In regards to my previous post, "is there some point which I get to where I want my W to come back?" because at this very minute I feel like I truly hate her.
To set the scene and understand why I feel this way, just hand a 'hand off' at our home, where WAW had our D for a few hours after picking her up from DC. While she (WAW) was here, playing / interacting with our D, they played out a scene from one of our D's favorite Disney movies, and my W began to sing to our D. Of course our D loves that and it makes her smile and makes her happy. A few minutes prior, D was getting upset because (she knew) my W was getting ready to leave. While WAW was singing, I had to FIGHT back the urge to scream "GET THE F OUT OF HERE YOU NARCISSISTIC EXCUSE FOR A HUMAN BEING".
It was like I was angry at her for being a good mother because I don't feel like she is being a good mother. I am confident that her time with our daughter cannot be 'true' quality time because (when) people are in the depths of new relationships, lust, and the emotion that goes with all of that (like my WAW is in) they are only focused on the next time they will be with that person, the OM and everything else is a lower priority.
I was so (internally) mad at my wife, for doing what she doing, breaking our family apart and making our D feel sad like that, whenever she gets ready to leave. Maybe I am projecting my feelings on our 2.5 D? It is hard to say because in my soul my wife may be the least attractive woman I know right now. I detest her and the idea of what she is doing (to our family and another) and think she has checked out, and her perception of reality is skewed beyond the idea of rational understanding.
Anyhow, I of course did / said nothing. Stood by calmly with a smile and kept it ALL together. One-eight-zero is the name of the game and I kept the entire visit 'light and breezy'. WAW even commented on 'you dressing up for work these days?' because I had a meeting / presentation at the office. I liked my outfit (pressed white shirt, gray v-neck wool sweater, tan pants and my new favorite leather shoes). Meeting was great, work was great, weather today was great, and I felt AWESOME the whole day...until I felt the way I did about WAW.
Feel okay now, still feeling detached, knowing this person is not the one I loved and this is who she has changed into, and is still changing. It definitely helps to have this resource to write to, get thoughts down, and hear feedback from everyone.
So, to circle back, and dovetail this post I again ask:
In regards to my previous post, "is there some point which I get to where I want my W to come back?" because at this very minute I feel like I truly hate her.
As always, looking forward to feedback, and appreciate everything
M: 44 W: 35 D: 2.5 M +5 | T 10 OM + Affair admitted 11/11/14 Separated 11/27/14
