Jim0987 #10 - getting ready for mk8

[Vanilla]

And the GAL!

V

[Mozza]

One more thing: there is romance and passion in your future.

Either you will reconcile with your W, or you will fall for someone new. I'm sure that, despite your trademark pessimism, you recognize that you won't be single for the remainder of your life!

[jim0987]

Overcoming my trademark pessism doesn't stretch that far yet. Will I be single - only if I choose to be, like I do now.

Will I ever meet someone who is even a patch on my wife..... Well that's a whole other challenge. Right now I can't even imagine that.

[edz]

Morning Jim

Know what you mean there but you shouldn't beat yourself up that you're a grumpy, I'm not trumpeting that Im fully detached just operationally so and I love my w and want her back, no idea if that's a possibility as she would have to want to engage and work on it.

However when my minds been drifting recently to possibilities - if that's not the case I've thought the same thing no one would ever be able to compare but then if my marriage is over its over. Anyone new would be anyone new and I need to be happy with that or any new relationship is doomed before it starts.

As you say its too early for both of us (Im still holding the rope, not reviewing that until June or until w says shes got no intention of ever trying again) so I can hardly start dating and hold marriage reconciliation as an alternate plan b, whoah! totally unfair to all involved and not me at all. One or the other.

So basically there's no rush, make Jim Mk8,9,10 the best possible and enjoy the kids, get your interior decorating on and enjoy living and go from there

[Dawn70]

So glad you are finding peace. That is a great list of things that have you at peace. Keep it up, my friend! It looks good on you.

[Vanilla]

Jim

You are not in that space yet. Not nearly and there is plenty of time.

Plenty of time to learn and grow, just think if your growth continues at the rate it is then where will you be in a year or five years.

Do not be fearful Jim, this path is hard but it is possible to travel it.

Vanilla

[jim0987]

Morning all (here anyways)

So this evening is the last time wife and I will be in the house together. For the last 4 months we haven't really spoken (her choice) so in some ways not much will change.

So do I say anything? If so what?

I was thinking

Thank you for 6 years and 2 beautiful kids. good luck with your new life.

[gan]

Jim - can't talk now but just quickly. No, don't say that. That's the passive aggressive giraffe coming through. Will reply later!!!

[jim0987]

I cant think of anything i can say that wont be interpreted negatively but then saying nothing probably will be as well.

Excuse my i just indulge my angst and irritation for a moment but my logical mind just cant compute some of this. And yes this is a little bit about me being right but i've not said any of this to her. i'm a bit stuck on how i'm supposed to deal with sort of thing.

None of this is said to me but has been said. My W is desperate to leave (she just wants out and cant stand to be anywhere near me), she thinks i'm deliberately obstructing everything and am a 'Little Toe Rag S***'

The financial deal she is getting from me is money equivalent to 50% of what we would get if we sold the house. its not quite 50% equity but i simply couldnt raise that much and the end cash figure for her is the same. I've said i can only do that if we agree that that is it and there would be no other claims made (except child maintenance). Now i think that is sensible and reasonable - she thinks i'm being a 'money grabbing little turd'

She is very focused on the fact she is getting less than the inheritance she recieved from her gran about 18 months ago (she hopes her gran haunts me for stealing her money - her actual words)

So anyway she had the draft settlement early october and the paperwork from my solicitors early october - she then said nothing until the mid december - I didnt chase. She proposed changes to the agreement on 22nd december trying to strip it back to only the house (my boundary was always no money unless the whole finance settlement is clear)

with christmas and a bit of toing and froing and the fact my solicitor was on holiday until 5th Jan it took a little while for me to get the information i needed. but in the end all resolved by 12th Jan. but this resolution she is unhappy with because it financially covers everything.

Somehow she thinks i'm sat on a pile of savings even though every month I used to put a big chunk of cash for savings into the joint account which she had complete control over. The reality is that when this goes through I will have no debt except a vast mortgage - which is good but my monthly outgoings are going to be near enough the same as my salary. I'm definitely going to be watching the pennies

So through all of this she really cant stand me and thinks i'm continuing to bully and try and control her and has said 'he is enjoying playing me and watching the spectacle' - she feels that she is showing tremendous strength in finally standing up to mr for once

she also hasnt forgiven her mum for being polite to me at christmas.

So from my perspective, I feel i've been really reasonable about this and support her decision (she thinks the opposite) and where there are delays is because i've needed legal advice. I'm not really sure what she would have wanted me to do to 'support her'

So im saying all this in part rant and in part because i'm hoping someone will see something to tell me what i should have done differently because i swear everything i've done to try and improve me, stress less etc. just seems to have made her hate me more. I'm wondering if i had thrown her oout would she have thought that was me supporting her?

Given that i didnt realise my behaviour in the marriage would seem bullying and controlling, i'm worried that i'm still doing it but dont realise.

Once again she doesnt say this to me - she just ignores me but then she has done that for a long time now in truth

I have no idea why i still want a life with this woman when she thinks so poorly of me no matter what i do, but i do and despite all of this i'm grateful for the time that we had together and the 2 beautiful kids we share

[Ggrass]

Your in good company, the fact I think I'm entitled to any joint propery makes my h spit chips. I think he used the money grubbing thief taking something that's not yours that you never worked for nor contributed to my life!

Nice spew huh?
I think the line, I can see how you think that, I however think differently. About 6 times he didn't seem to hear it.