Busting this Divorce - 90 Days NC #6

[Vanilla]

Lovely advice HP.

The best I can manage is warmth, not red hot, just general ordinary interest in my H and his hobbies or health. Normalising over and over.

To put warmth into your voice on the phone you can smile and stand when you are talking to W , look upwards and to the right and hold your unused hand rested at your side. Think yellow. Aim for 25% of the conversation. Separate functional admin from the emotional. No alcohol, food or gum.

On texts use warm fiuzzy words, no negatives, express things as positive and active. open questions. Reflect back, finish first but be civil.

ask for small easily done favours, then say thank you.

In person they say look into the eyes, I find that too personal so I look at a spot between the eyes, think of something you really like, a sitcom and smile, makes the smile genuine. Reflect back and mild mirroring of posture, lean forward. No arm folding in front or behind. If anxious hold a small object in your hand.

These were techniques I was taught on a negotiating skills course which I now use. Felt unnatural at first but now it's easier. I practised at work to get it right and in low risk situations where mistakes mattered less.

There are probably newer and better resources available but the above is from my course notes. But basically it is acting as if.
Vanilla