Jim0987 #10 - getting ready for mk8

[jim0987]

Right now at this moment in time i'm feeling quite at peace with my situation and I want to mark it by posting about it.

right now i feel at peace because
- I understand a lot of what i did wrong in the relationship and the simple changes that make me a better man

- I really feel my IC is working for me

- whatever happens i have two beautiful children and they have an amazing mother. we have given them good genetics i think and between us I know they will always be safe and loved

- I have connected with a bunch of people that i wouldnt have otherwise, including you good people on these boards

- I have changed my beliefs and understanding of who i am, I now truly believe that happiness, love and forgiveness are all choices we make and that they are things i can choose for myself (it will take time but i have faith in it)

- I'm ok by myself, its a little boring and lonely but it doesnt hurt

- I am learning new skills and new ideas which help me to grow as person. there is still a lot more to learn

- Despite everything I feel for the pain and anxiety and upset my wife is feeling and that makes it easier to feel compassion toward her no matter how much i disagree with her choice(s)

- And I know that her journey means she needs her own space and her own place. That much of what has happened has been driven by her need to escape to be in control of her space. I've always known this about her and yet not given it sufficient regard.

A reconcilliation if that were ever possible (Large OM shaped barrier here as well as all the other stuff) would not happen via her coming back to me it would happen through her feeling safe to invite me into her space - thats just who she is and has always been. So she has to move to find herself and I have to respect that.

OK so this is an up on the rollercoast but i dont wont to only record my extensive pessimism.