Pregnant w H who doesnt want it and had affair

[Mozza]

Hello Mom22 - I'm very sorry your are in this very difficult position. I hope you'll find here the advice and support to get you through this. I'm not a veteran like Cadet and Starsky, so all I can provide is support.

I'm not surprised that Cadet and Starsky309 already told you that your H doesn't seem to be a fitting husband and father at this stage.

In any case, he needs to realize that babies are made by two people, so he can't blame the pregnancy on you. It's not a conceive-and-abort business. Also, as a father of two, I'm telling you that you're not "taking part of his life away" by having another baby, you're adding to his life. Sure, less time for his buddies and dance lessons (and whatnot), but is that the kind of guy you want by your side?

You seem to need a stronger R than what he currently offers. Either he needs to shape up or he needs to go.

The wonderful thing about DB is that it's very often the same thing you need to do whether you want to save your M or go on your own. It's about standing tall and strong, doing what's right for you and your kids. WAS are attracted to such strong and independent people and they start doubting it was a good idea to dump us altogether. If they leave anyway, then you're ready and save yourself. The alternative is... there is no alternative.

You say you don't know where you would go. That's normal at this stage. But have you thought about it? Have you made a plan? If not, I encourage you to take a few days to really think about it. Imagine that he IS throwing you out. Surely, you wouldn't end up frozen under a bridge? Then what would you do? Take the time to really detail what you would do. Write it down. Add to it over time.

I suggest this because it seems to me that your first step to have a clearer mind is to reduce your perceived vulnerability to your H. Then you'll have options. I wonder if he realizes that you are vulnerable (can't leave) and takes advantage of it?

I hope you've already bought Divorce Remedy. It's mandatory reading because it's the source of the advice around here and it will help you make sense of what you read on these boards.

Good luck.