Ok so I'm learning that I have a big issue with control. It just kinda hit me today... It's probsbly at the route of my problems marriage wise, and probsbly has a lot to do wth my own happiness. I can't seem to let it all go.... I'm trying I know that it is probsbly the biggest 180 that I need to do: learn to let go and not be in control. Any advice on how to do that?
3 things. First, so you know, in 2006 I told my sisters that my "marriage has a 10% chance of lasting..."
Second, how to deal with the fears and stress and obsessing? Well...
If you are a believer, you can try turning it over to God. IF not, maybe a "higher power" or "the universe" would help.
I literally had to think it, say it, and hear myself say it, dozens of times for it to sink in. (I'd do this in the shower so the kids didn't think I was nuts).
But invariably, it calmed me. "God, I turn my marriage/pain/anger over to you."
Also, GAL helps with Detaching, more than any other single thing.
You are actually doing quite well. I'm impressed with your personal insights and personal work.
If those insights lead you to real change, then that's no small thing.
Finally, For GAL suggestions, let me mention some of what I did when we lived in the interior of Alaska, even in the winter. And I had 3 kids, including a baby
(so you know I don't want to hear about how you are 'too busy' to GAL).
Inertia is the greatest enemy to GAL. Overcome that, & you'll be well on your way to a happier more fulfilling life. -
I volunteered at a battered women's shelter.
I coached a girl's softball team, two summers (my older D was on it).
I was on the board of directors for Wrestling, (b/c our son wrestled).
I auditioned for community theater and met some fun creative people. I got cast, too.
I did stand up comedy (and yes, I still do it). I did a whole set once on a MLCs at the Improv. It went very well.
I learned to cross country ski, became a better shooter.
I Learned to hunt big game, to deep sea fish, & I got better at downhill skiing.
I learned to use a snowmobile ("snow machine" to Alaskans) I loved riding.
Learned to fly a plane, and I got a pilot's license.
Went skydiving. Loved it so much I did it again. And plan on doing it again, soon!
Edited a book. (The book ended up on the Best Seller's List. Who knew?)
I Worked out 3-4 times a week, and I really did get in excellent shape. Looking good made a world of difference to me. Found a work out partner and began socializing after the work outs.
(Plus I'd just had our last child and needed to lose the baby weight. It was not easy to do, let alone in the dark, deathly cold of their long winters).
Saw a therapist and for some months, went on ADs.
Took a pottery class (very odd for me to do, but I liked it a lot).
Joined the Officer's Wives club, after 15 years of h being active duty, & my own status as a veteran.
(Wish I had joined sooner! Met two women who are life long friends to this day.)
Joined a writer's group Took a class in Conversational French Took a class in Italian cooking
There is more, but I just wanted to suggest to you a few things you can do that do not cost a lot.
Other than pilot training, most of these ^^ activities were free, or quite cheap.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
