Thanks Pink - your posts always help me a lot...you're very kind and lovely!
Yes, I think it is the 'facing of the end' with the L that is frightening and reassuring all at the same time. But each of the two times I have seen L's I have felt really unsettled afterwards.
You are right about thinking on things. A big thing I have learned is not to start taking action when you feel low or emotional. When I do feel like that, I want to fire something off to my H saying I plan to file for D. Then I think - this is a big decision, just like getting M was - I can't make it like that. And so I'm back to DBing for now anyway.
I do feel calmer today, and feeling a bit hysterical last night made me realise that I'm pretty calm much of the time now, which is good. As for H - who knows Pink! He is one of life's 'avoiders' and so I can see him 'putting off' speaking with me about possible D, because he is frightened, or expects it will be dificult. Also, I don't think OW is pushing things. Last I heard, she was still partly involved with OM & abroad (sound familiar?) so I don't think there is anyone behind him pressing him to resolve things. But as you say - best not to mind read! He will do what he will do when he will do it etc.
What is this about Missionary plans??? These sound very exciting, and I expect will attract many, many GAL points....good for you my friend.
As for your H - who knows Pink? He's moving ahead for now and who knows how he will feel in coming weeks & months. If you look back at his confusion etc. That may continue for some time. My H has seemed all happy telling our friend our R is over and he wants a new family.....but as time goes on will doubt creep in? I do believe that both of our H's still love us at some level. Whether that leads them to turn back to our M's - we'll see...
For me and H - as we haven't spoken for months - I feel so far apart from him. In a way that gives me some space and peace, but also it is hard to imagine being together again. But if we were sitting on the couch and he cried, said he missed me and had made a terrible mistake, I could feel very different. But for now, I think I need to refocus on GAL activities and moving to a more detached place.
Hope you are having a good day xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
