Maybell XXVII

[Underdog]

LOL, well, I'm not a fan of haphazard activity. Just want to make that clear. I really like a general plan and then tweak it when opportunities arise. I just make sure that emotions don't drive those decisions... the manic happiness of buying a new house or car vs. the crippling fear of doing anything. Those are generally bad times to make big decisions. I literally force myself to sit on "the discomfort sofa" awhile before doing anything until I know why those emotions are present.

And since I did one of those things last night... I can tell you with all honesty I followed my own advice. I have (ok, had) a very cute, adorable and FAST (though highly impractical) sports car. It's flat out FUN to drive on the open roads. Cops love it. And me driving it. I bought it for my business partner to use as his car. It was his choice and the payments were fabulous. He moved to Chicago and got another company car there, so I took possession of this little cutie pie back in 2012. It sits really low and has a blind spot. And since I'm over that stage in life, it pisses me off. Plus it's a gas and oil hog (with a rotary engine), and the maintenance and insurance is not cheap. When my D20 forced me to trade cars over Christmas break--it was snowing--so she could run errands in my SUV, I had to drive this rear wheel drive/ice skate. And it did not make me happy. At all.

I knew that this is not the time of year to even contemplate selling. She went back to school, and all I have to do is look in my garage, wave at that cutie, and pull out in my SUV until the weather gets better. But I still had a notion that I would make a change when it became a good time and the right offer. I got a call yesterday from the Mazda dealership that serviced it. They told me they wanted to talk to me about trading it in this spring because they always have buyers when the spring peeks out through the curtains.

I said jump, they said how high and we met last night. We did some negotiating, and I used my lack of emotions to get a deal that would satisfy me. I told them I'd sleep on their trade in offer and get back to them. LOL, I didn't even stand up when the manager split the difference with me. So I drove home with a practical car (in case you haven't figured out, I consider myself practical) that gets great mileage, costs less to insure (although it is 8 years newer), and I can haul kids and groceries around. My big kids and my lots of groceries. Yay!

I tell you this because it was not a wild hair day where I woke up and said, "I'm gonna go out and buy a car today." Yes, crazymaker me used to do that kind of thing. Once, when I was married, didn't consult my H and drove home with a really nice vehicle. To say he was pissed would be an understatement. But I was making lots of money then and figured I could do what I wanted. (I cringe when I write this, as I LOVED the feeling of buying a new car.)

So plan. Make a general plan and allow yourself the option to change your mind. That includes moving while you've got a business dissolution to do. But maybe you say to yourself that you'd like to make a decision on your living arrangements by June 1. Or any date you give yourself. But give yourself permission to make a different call when you get there and have more information.

I had a fear based decision back in 2012 - the year that D20 left for college and D17 was supposed to start high school. We had a fabulous sitter who was my 3rd daughter but who couldn't work outside of the middle school hours. I talked myself into holding her back another year. Why? Because I was afraid. Afraid of letting go. Afraid of doing 2 transitions instead of one. Afraid of losing control.

Then my sitter faced a conundrum of having to go back to school. I really freaked. It was a game changer. Since we were losing our sitter, my XH said, "Is there any reason we can't allow her to go to high school now?" I'm telling you, I fired back with a slew of reasons. He agreed with me but kept quiet. After I heard myself, I said, "Wow, all of the pros are because I'm afraid. Wow." He didn't say anything... wisely. I made the necessary call and put the ball into motion. And you know something, Maybell? It was the BEST thing I ever did for her.

I've been this special needs kiddo's advocate for so long that all her issues are near and dear to my heart. But sometimes, I really don't know jack. She made the transition beautifully (she's typically not one to do that), and she LOVES high school. She flourished, and I wound up telling everyone in my life that I get in the way sometimes. So don't be afraid to muster up the courage to say yes. Yes is a much healthier word to say sometimes when our fears are preventing growth. So like the Grinch, I'm an idiot!

You *are* smart and strong. And know that you make good decisions for yourself and your kids, Maybell. You're a good egg!

Hugs,
Betsey