Card29 IX - New Year, New Card

[Card29]

Lately, I've been thinking about my lack of, or delayed, awareness of my own desires, emotions, etc. I don't think it's just part of this grieving process. I think it has been a part of me for a long time without me realizing it. I think it's why I have MNG tendancies...something bothers me, and since, in the moment, I don't know exactly what I would like to change about it, I just react, usually passive aggressively. That's why I didn't talk to my mom about the boundaries and rules with D2. I was getting agitated about her constant flood of toys, stickers, etc, even in response to tantrums, but it took me writing out my frustrations here to realize exactly what I needed to ask if my mom, and in what manner to ask.