There have been so many M's to get into trouble b/c the W had a close male friend and they would pal around without the H. Big mistake! I believe our society has to learn that no matter how "equal" or "individual" we are as men and women, when it comes to a marriage........you cannot have close "friends" of the opposite sex that excludes your spouse. You are playing with a ticking bomb.

I know some disagree with me, but that's okay. I still stand by it. It really isn't a trust issue, it's a "being smart" issue. It is affair proofing your M.

Just look at how many A's start between co-workers, b/c they are thrown together at work, meetings, dinners, trips, etc. Just based on the threads that have been on the boards, it seems like an epidemic.

The smart thing couples should do is come together and have a serious discussion about a guide to use throughout their M that will protect the M from possibly involving a third person. I'm concerned that many couples just write it off as "you either trust me or you don't". And yes, we need to be able to trust........but be smart.

It sounds as if your W is at least emotionally involved with this "friend" and will use the friendship to mask what is really happening between them.

Trying to control her is useless. And right this minute, if you were to tell her it's either you or OM, she would choose OM. So, you need to decide where you will draw the line. If this feels like she is disrespecting you, smearing it in your face, making OM priority, belittling you, and causing you to have strong suspicions.........how much will you take?

We all need personal boundaries when dealing with people, from strangers to relatives. I'm sure there are things you would not tolerate from someone else. You expect people to show respect to you, right? Well, that is one example. Boundaries are not used to control the other person, but to protect yourself. Boundaries are not ultimatums. So think about it.




Last edited by sandi2; 01/13/15 04:37 PM.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!