Has the OM come back to town yet? Can't remember the date he was suppose to show up, and W wanted to have dinner with him.

If she is still pondering this idea of seeing him "for clarity" smirk. then that is keeping her in the WW mode.

Another sign that she's still in that frame of mind, is as you said....everything is about her feelings.

Quote:
I think if she sees even a glimmer of her old feelings for me, she shuts down.


No, that is the thinking of a LBH, not the WAW.

It takes a lot of maturity on the part of the H going into piecing. Honestly, I don't believe you two are "in" piecing yet. You may be in the process of crossing the bridge to get there, but either one of you could turn tail and run at any moment. If you look at the rough waters, you will be afraid to continue (isn't worth it, can't deal with limbo, blaming, etc.). You sound as unsure as she does.

IMO, first order of business is an agreement to a transparency plan. And......don't do like TO did and not include looking at the cell phone without notice. TO's H did not do the work and now he is guarding his cell phone and sliding right back to the other side again. Being accountable is necessary for her. Her WAW nature will detest it, but if she is serious about saving her M, she will do it. Here's the thing, if neither of you have anything to hide, you should not have a problem with it.

You talk about how she's going to have to trust "you". I would not tell her those words, b/c neither of you can fully trust the other one right now. So if you have a transparency plan, it's best that you don't crow about how she will just need to trust you. See what I mean? I know you are referring to her trusting you in a different area, but she will be hypersensitive about that issue and feel that she is under the microscope....while you are playing control cop. So have the transparency a two-way street (even though it is really about her staying on track, I think both of you need it.)

It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!