barely holding on - 7

[u-turn]

I don't know how to trust her any more. She knows exactly how to move me.

There are just too many signs that she is playing me. I don't know if I can just ignore them.

I don't know how to begin trusting her. There never will be transparency. e-mail, text, phone access will never help me or her. They don't need those things to continue as they have been.

Until she no longer works with him there is no hope (and even then it is all too easy for them to continue) - it's all just a game.

There is nothing I can do about this - I feel like a fool again. Why do I keep doing this to myself and not stay strong. I need it beaten into my head that this is over and she just needs to leave. My desire to have the life that once was keeps me from acting on it. But it is time.