I hate to say it, but it's obvious to me that your wife still has never really credibly feared losing you. Your "I will work on this marriage, no matter what" stance oozes from every interaction with her, and unfortunately unless and until she feels like she may have blown it with you, you will never change the current who's-pursuing-whom dynamic here.
I'm not saying that -- in piecing -- the dynamic can't (or shouldn't) be roughly "50/50" -- it should. But at the BEGINNING of piecing, the formerly wayward spouse needs to pursue the betrayed spouse's emotional needs, big-time.
I've never seen that from her, and I've never seen you communicate to her that you needed it for her to come back to the marriage.
I've been in the minority here, and I've kept quiet because you perceived yourself to be on an upward track with her, but I still don't think she's on board here. Still VERY doable and fixable, IMHO, as she obviously loves you and you two have so much shared history, but I still think a "I've decided that this isn't working for me either" confrontation needs to happen.
