Hopefully this helps you, it took me a while to get to this point and I'm still grasping it. I was in the same place as you for the last few months.
Easier said then done, but don't be so hard on yourself. No one said this was easy or not painful.
As sandi said, which helped me (took 5 months to realize it) my W has left the marriage. In her mind it was done when she walked out the door........not thinking about it, or debating it, or considering it, it's done. She does not want to be with me. That's a huge pressure off me. Know why? Because I can only hope for better things right now. How can it get worse? She divorces me? Whether I DB perfectly or not, it will not affect the outcome at all. I need to have faith that I'm doing my best and whatever the end of the story is, was how it's meant to be. That's why they call it LRT, it's the Hail Mary for our R.
Why is it called a Hail Mary? The games done, the score is almost in the books. We heave the ball (ours is over months/years) to the best of our ability in the general direction of the end zone and then it's up to faith that the outcome is going to be what it was meant to be.
It's her decision to leave and her decision if she would want to R. The ONLY thing I can do right now is put my best foot forward FOR ME and realize that I did as much as I could to try and make it work, but it's her decision.
M:36 W:37 T: 15 M:11 S6 D5 BD: 8/10/14 IDLY: 8/12/14 S: 8/13/14 (she left, I stayed w/ kids) D Mentioned: 10/15/14 Confronted about OM: 10/15/14 EA: ~4/13 PA: ~10/13 She filed: 8/15 (not final)
