Ss, the headspace illustration of sitting on the side of the road and watching your emotions go by is such a powerful image. But I'm realizing that I dont know how to do that. Or maybe I do? I don't know. For example, today I suddenly had a horrible, hurt feeling that WAW slept with another man (a lot, presumably). I just tried to think "okay, there is that hurt feeling again. Just let it be there as long as it needs to, but don't chase it." I consciously thought of that, but I didn't know how to actually DO it. Then again, a few minutes later, I was calm again and enjoying my workout, so I guess it worked? I'm new to all of this meditation, "headspace" kind of stuff, so I don't trust what I'm doing in the moment
Me 38, WAW 30 D11 (former marriage) S2 T 8 years M 3 years BD 8/20/23 S 8/20/23
Oh man, yeah, that's the MOST challenging part of meditation. It takes years to master that, if ever (encouraging, no?).
I will say that the moment we start to identify with the emotion, almost as if it's sticky and attaches to our heart and we carry it around and then let it be the reason why we're unkind or short tempered or just generally down... That's suffering, which is what meditation is helping us avoid.
I talk a great game but I struggle seriously with not being distracted during even very brief periods of meditation. I think. A lot. A whole lot.
That feeling of betrayal, and insignificance you must have been feeling earlier today, that's a tough one to just observe like a passing car. That's the kind of thing you have to let envelop you, fill you and wash over you... For me this is more than just a few moments. I need to feel it, honor it and let it out. It's a struggle to set myself right again and to get the ache out of my solar plexus. Often I need to journal, talk to someone who will listen but won't let me wallow... And when there is no one I seek out maybell, labug, uR, you, 25, Claire, Calibri... Everyone! Lol
Through meditation, I'm slowly learning how to comfort and pep talk myself with zero delusions of grandeur or covering up of the facts just to make myself feel better.
It's hard stuff, card. Hard stuff, especially given the painful ness we're facing these days, but I hope to have meditation as a foundation in the life I live down the road... It's a characteristic I want in the future Ss, as tedious as it is sometimes.
Hey Card, I believe that the Headspace animation is not saying "this is how you meditate" (i.e. watch your thoughts rather than interacting with them). Rather it is saying "this is how things will become when you meditate".
So for me (been at it for a few months now - aiming for daily) I can now tell the difference between thoughts that I get caught up in (distraction) and ones that just come and go. Over time the balance is naturally shifting so that there is more of the latter. No effort required from me required. It just happens…. Actually I’m surprised at how quickly it happens (that fact is supported by research - most interventions put to the test have been for 8wks or so).
There is some discussion at the book that helped me understand the objectives a little more:
“Mindfulness means to be present, in the moment, undistracted. It implies resting the mind in its natural state of awareness, which is free of any bias or judgment.”
So that is the state we want to be all the time. Not just when we are meditating, always.
“Meditation is simply a technique to provide you with the optimum conditions for practicing the skill of mindfulness.”
So meditation is the training session. Just like how we do weights and apply that strength to everything else we do, when we meditate we become more mindful in everything else we do.
Another idea I liked from the book:
there is no such thing as good meditation and bad meditation. There is just distracted and undistracted. And if you are distracted....well then you are not meditating!
H 37 Me 36 Together 15 years Married 5 years No kids BD Apr 2014 H moved out 2 Jun 2014
Ss, gb, labug...thank you so much! There are lots of really helpful ideas and expressions there. Also, I didn't know about the book. Adding that to my reading list
Me 38, WAW 30 D11 (former marriage) S2 T 8 years M 3 years BD 8/20/23 S 8/20/23
Lately, I've been thinking about my lack of, or delayed, awareness of my own desires, emotions, etc. I don't think it's just part of this grieving process. I think it has been a part of me for a long time without me realizing it. I think it's why I have MNG tendancies...something bothers me, and since, in the moment, I don't know exactly what I would like to change about it, I just react, usually passive aggressively. That's why I didn't talk to my mom about the boundaries and rules with D2. I was getting agitated about her constant flood of toys, stickers, etc, even in response to tantrums, but it took me writing out my frustrations here to realize exactly what I needed to ask if my mom, and in what manner to ask.
Me 38, WAW 30 D11 (former marriage) S2 T 8 years M 3 years BD 8/20/23 S 8/20/23
