I thought everything was okay.....(Part 3)

[MCS]

Mozza,

Yep, you got me. Engineer through and through. Interestingly, so is my W.

Sorry, if the things that I state seem like I'm stating them as fact that they are bad, that's not my intention. I'm really only comparing them to how it appeared we were raising our kids prior to BD. I had said a few posts ago, if you read those things out of context, no big deal. However, if you apply it to how we were parenting; its just very different than we were. Doesn't mean its bad, just different and not like how I thought W would parent which causes some concern for me along with the other changes from the W.

Take something small that your W may see as important for the daily activities with your kids and then 180 it. You have daughters, if during your M wife was always making sure that their hair was combed whenever they would leave the house and then BD and people that know her start saying Mozza, saw your W and kids and their hair was a mess. What's up with that, is everything okay? It would cause you some concern, probably.

That's my problem. All these little things add up to some of my frustration,I don't really know why. I guess its cause I'm not sure whats 'really' important or what to let go....just like that article says.

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So my hard OM stand is not for today, but for the future. I have a co-worker who's parents split when she was 5. Right after our S happened, I was talking with her about her parents D. I know both of them. She told me.

"MCS, I don't remember a whole lot about my parents D. I remember they all had it coordinated. We went on a trip with my mom for the weekend, she mentioned something to us kids and when we came back dad's stuff was gone. Then when I was a teenager, I was sitting in my room one day and it all clicked in my head. Mom and Dad got D and Mr. OM (new stepdad) was around right afterwards. No one ever told me what happened, and it took 10 years but I then knew what happened."

She's a great girl, well adjusted. She's actually part of my comfort that the kids will be just fine if we get D, but that story hit home. I said to myself to try and shelter the kids as much as I can from some of these realities that they don't understand now, but will at some point in their life.

Also, if you read HP's thread a while back about some of the things in his childhood. His dad did great job of sheltering the kids from what was really going on that it was ~30 years and it still took HP's dad telling him what happened.

With an OM in the picture, we are reducing the opportunity to provide that insight if/when it is need in our child's life. We are exposing them now and it will be on their own accord that they will figure it out, good or bad.

Hey, this is just my opinion and that's it. I'm not trying to influence your decisions at all, we all have different sitchs.

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Lastly, the week on/ week off. That's a personal preference that I don't feel comfortable about it. I'm not sure if I said it, but the MC said research shows there's no ideal schedule. Its all situational, the negative thing for kids is when the parents don't get along.

My issue with the whole schedule thing in general is that its all or nothing for her; she won't discuss anything else other than "MCS says yes or MCS is withholding the kids from me seeing them" Its been no in-between or conversation about it. That's all, I want to have the conversation and agree together. This isn't a win/loss thing; but should be a compromise.