Jim0987 #10 - getting ready for mk8

[Mozza]

I'm going to put the worst spin i can on what happened today

She didnt hear from all day but was anxious about whether i had done what i need to do. when i got in late from work i said a brief hello before disappearing. I then sent an email with the changed agreement, didnt mention it while i got changed to go out. when confronted by this i simply smirked and said i was going out, before refuse to commit to the deadline my W has set for her move, which she is really anxious about because there is a lot of money involved and she is scared it will collapse

Jim0987, I really like this interpretation of the events. I think it show real empathy for your W, for her point of view. In fact, this exchange reminds me a lot of what's happening with HPoirot. A lot of people, especially vets, are telling him to check his attitude and behave normally with his W, be cordial, etc. In this case, you make a good case that you could have done a lot better with a friendly neighbor. In fact, you'd probably be embarrassed if you acted like this with a neighbor.

A few weeks into the S, my W got upset at me because she felt I was interfering with a friendship of hers. She emailed me, I tried calming things down, but then she emailed again within seconds and called and texted me. I let her know quickly that I was on a call so that she'd understand my silence wasn't avoidance. I called her back when I was off the other call and let her vent. I knew she'd need to repeat it all. I did a recap of the facts with her, taking her along, using her words and then trying to correct a few things in agreement with her. We ended up face to face (she was picking the stroller at my place) and she was still very agitated. I completed the recap and adjustments and at the end, I told her, in a very empathic voice and looking her in the eyes: "You have to trust me that I'm not trying to harm you." She finally calmed down and thanked me, saying she was feeling better. If anything, it may have told her that we can resolve conflicts in a civilized manner.

I'm not putting myself up as an example, but as you know, my W and I are very cordial to each other and I give her very little to confirm her decision to leave me. Sometimes I wonder if it's because she's really more collected, less upset than your WAW or whether it's because I've managed to treat her "normally" and avoid this kind of escalation. I've all the hallmarks of the bad sitch: WAW saying she was miserable with me, lying all along the S talks, running with OM, history of big fights just before BD, etc.

I think what I'm saying is that you should reflect on your behavior with her, perhaps compare it to what you'd do with a neighbor or colleague. What would be inflammatory? What would resolve conflicts? I know you're starting from a bad place, but there are opportunities to improve things. Perhaps you need to stop worrying about the outcome, always be so pessimistic and focus on the task at hand to complete it in a civilized manner.

Anyway, I hope it can help you reflect, that's all I can really provide.