Singing in the Lifeboat

[daring]

Thanks Matt- I'm definitely feeling better about myself though I still have my days.

The part with the kids is really heart wrenching. My H is trying to do a good job, but just like when I was emotional about the whole situation and he couldn't handle it- it's like he gets that way with D13. He's not mean but just distant. And not nearly as understanding as the old H would have been. He seems to shut down. I'm trying to encourage her to spend time with her dad, while also being supportive. In some ways this has helped our relationship as the last few years we have butt heads big time, but this is allowing us to have some emotional closeness. Trying to see the positives out of this mess!

Interesting thing yesterday. When H was here I was much more detached than usual. I'm hitting the whatever go your own way and figure your chit out point.
So last night I had a dream that H died. He was in Africa or some other jungle type place and the circumstances of the death were sketchy. My dream confinued where I met up with his mom and other family members and we were trying to figure out exactly what happened but couldn't put the pieces together.
I woke up this morning thinking my subconscious was trying to create the situation of letting him go. The dream included a strange journey for him just like MLC, and he died and the situation made no sense as to how it happened but it did.

My brain is trying to heal and move on. It doesn't mean there's no hope, but that I've got a life to live with or without H and it's time to start focusing on that.