No offense taken. That's part of this board is to examine the faults that we have. I would actually say that if there was a problem, it was the opposite of what you are saying. I was too predictable. I have always had a pretty straight and narrow, calculated life. Everything I did was planned. My W was more of a free spirit than I was, more spontaneous. However, she had the planner's attitude also, just not as much as me. So, that's where we complemented each other. She pushed me out of my comfort zone and into a more spontaneous life and I was the one that pushed into the realm of analyze everything before we would make a decision. So, it worked good for the first couple years, but as we got older; the spontaneity was reduced. The once we had kids, it was reduced even further. At that point, I think I became more comfortable and 'settled' and she may have felt like something was missing.
A good example of this was vacations. She would love to go on random weekend vacations. Something I would never do myself, but would go along for it. Aruba, next week? Sure, whatever you want. Yeah, as we settled all of these things went away in our lives, especially once the kids arrived.
So, conflict was this way also. I always had a very similar approach to solving it....logic and then some more logic. Looking back, since I didn't have much negative stuff in my past; I associated that with my planning aspect of my personality. I used to say, you always had to be responsible for decisions you made and deal with the consequences. I used that to look at other people also, part of what Vanilla addressed with the judgmental part. However, this approach was a pretty immature way of looking at life.
So, that's my struggle now and when I look back. I think my wife was upset about the predictability that our life had become. She yearned for more, but when she would try to address it with me, the logic would come out and at times thwart her desires. In my eyes, that was our 20's to get all of the spontaneity out and now we were in our 30's with a family it was time to settle. I thought we were hitting an equal balance with this, but obviously not.
So, you see what appears to be my unpredictability; but that's centered around me trying to "plan" and "analyze" situations that logic cannot apply to. To couple with this, is the seemingly 180 that my wife has had with regards to how 'we' used to parent. That's the crux of the problem. A part of me feels like she fell into how I wanted to parent our kids and may have just been following along and now that's she's away from me is doing her own thing. Then I over analyze this on these forums to see if this is something that is acceptable or not. But its all based on my preconceived notion of what's acceptable to me....does that make sense?
M:36 W:37 T: 15 M:11 S6 D5 BD: 8/10/14 IDLY: 8/12/14 S: 8/13/14 (she left, I stayed w/ kids) D Mentioned: 10/15/14 Confronted about OM: 10/15/14 EA: ~4/13 PA: ~10/13 She filed: 8/15 (not final)
