Shake it off. Breath deep and start all over. It is exactly what happen to all of us here.
The pain goes deep in the bone, don't mistake that people give you advice and they are doing super well. It's not true. We all made mistakes in our M/R, we all hit the floor when the one we love told us they can't no longer be beside us.
I got drunk the day my H told me he wants a D. And then after a while I got drunk again, very, very drunk. I walked with not direction and even got lost in some neighborhood I did not know.
Some days the pain was so much I needed to throw up because I cried so much. I lost 30lbs super fast. I felt like I was going to die sometimes.
We are all human beings and what is happening to you is just what happen to all of us at some point, at some level.
Now comes the difference. We all start somewhere feeling miserable, like garbage, no value, no direction, a incredible turmoil of emotions and a complete degradation of a person. But what we do with all what we feel is what gives the direction of who we want to be. We have been telling you all the time, that you need to use everything that is happening to you to reflect what happen, where did you fail, how did you fail, what was good, what did you do good.
Do the way it pleases you, a list perhaps, list all the good you like about yourself, all the bad you want to change.
List you past, the main things that jump to your memory. List your present, what is going on and how you can measure how much is good and how much is bad. List your future, what you want to happen in your life. Try to see it yourself. Some things you will say if W and I get back together life can be X and if not then life can be Y or Z.
Accept that this is a b**ch pain, that consumes you, makes you mad, a psycho. Accept that this is probably the worse pain you ever felt and maybe will ever feel.
Start accepting what is happening and find solutions, and accept that this are solutions for trying something that may never work again.
If you keep the self pit and don't allow yourself to go down with the pain, you will never stand up again.
Do you have a close friend that you can talk and cry. Do you have a place that you can take two or three days on a vacation with your son and far from your W.
You need to help yourself and stop being sorry for yourself. Your son is down, find something to do, go for bowling, play a game. You two watching TV is just boiling the toughs of what happen during the day. TV is not a very good friend during these times. You watch the screen but your brain does not stop thinking.
I don't hear you saying you go out with your kid. A museum, an aquarium, a local theater with real people, a comedy show, a music show. Get moving, get going.
Life is not only your wife, she is not the center of the world . She is very important but there are other things that you can do alone and with your son that brings happiness as well.
You say you love your kid, why you don't live for him right now. Get yourself out of the picture and start living for him.
Do different things, go to a hotel just for one night, just for a heck of sleeping somewhere different. Bring bathing suits and enjoy the pool, play shark with him.
Start living HP, you won't regret. Your wife will see, feel, and wonder if she really wants to get out.
Loose it, let go for now.
I am not saying a bunch of b***, I am doing it. Yes, it hurts and what... I am not that weak, I will go through it even with tears in my eyes. I will be happy because I deserve it and my kids deserve even more.
