I thought everything was okay.....(Part 3)

[Mozza]

Sorry MCS, it sounds like it got on your PMA. I, however, don't really see the problem again. She wants to S, right? She's not willing to work on the M, right? So what does it matter how she spends her time?

Also, here's a revelation gathered from everyone's threads around here: WAS lie about A and OP. Don't ever, ever expect the truth. I'm serious: you will not get it. Don't ask her a question about OM. Don't hope to gather info from her. This is one of the things I learnt in the last four months. Even though my W lied about her A five years ago, I still believed I could get the truth from her in these crucial moments of our R. Nope. Look at Card29, vasapro, Complex... In the last few days or weeks, they finally uncovered months of lies. It's just how it works with an A. It's not about you, not even your W.

What I'm struggling with is the kids. Is it fair to set the boundary that OM is not around the kids? She has the kids for a whole 2 days and can't seem to spend it just with them. This is on the heels of her saying that "MCS, the kids are first in my life right now...." B.S.

Tell us exactly how you will enforce this boundary? Blow up when you hear that OM was there? You have no control over that and the reality is that OM is not toxic to the kids. Just because you don't like what you think is going on between OM and your W doesn't mean that she's a bad parent. Frankly, I see absolutely no problem with them having a little football watching party with the kids around. Also, the advice I heard around here is that you can't prevent OM from meeting the kids, so let go.

We still don't know exactly what was your W's problem with you, but I'm starting to wonder if it's that your reactions are unpredictable (which would refer to her 'emotional safety' if I recall). Very often, when I read the latest that has happened, I fail to understand your reaction to them. You want things done a certain way, rationalize that it's obviously better even though there are valid differing viewpoints (week on/off comes to mind) and feel the need to confront WAW of be indignant about it. Perhaps it's not bad fait, it's not lower standards, it's not bad people, it's just different perspectives. It might just be me, but it can be something to think about.

I actually thought of you when I read this article: The subtle art of not giving a f... I'm not done reading it, but it looks relevant and the timing is right. Hope it's useful.

I hope I'm not too brutal. We're on your side.