Busting this Divorce - 90 Days NC #6

[HPoirot]

Hello sofaraway, claire and Vanilla. sofaraway yes you're right and I'm going to do as you say from now on. No timer... just respect and responsibility. No more punishment or ignoring or frustration.

But I am very frustrated right now.

S12 was very very sad again tonight saying "How long is this going to last?" I did not text his mom. Instead, I sat and talked with him about it. He says he thinks about what's happening all the time. He was down.

I served up some spaghetti and meatballs and we watched his favorite TV show... a show I don't like but he loved to watch with his mom... and now he's happy and going to take his shower.

I'm devastated again. Just hurt.

I want to call her and yell at her to just come home.

And I miss her.

I was reading Denver_2010's thread again. 9 months into his sitch and he was making the same mistakes I make... putting a timer on text responses... tying his moods to his W's roller-coaster... showing anger... pursuing... not letting go.

This is the start of my 4th week of separation. My W is angry with/feels pity for me and is in love with a stranger. My son is depressed and misses his family. I am messing up simply responding to my W's texts.

I have to do better and I'm not feeling like better me and I'm not even getting being dim/dark right.

I'm not even sure I know what it means to "do the work on me." To learn who "I" am so I can naturally be better me. To do nothing about my M and just have faith.

I'm having a very low moment. I know it will pass.

I just want to call her. What are we doing?