Married fast? Too late? Completely stuck :/

[Complex]

She keeps texting me about all kinds of stuff. That she hopes I'm fine and that I have fun at work. And about apartment maintenance etc...not sure if I should respond or how fast.
At least I'm fairly distracted. And I see that there's another life for me out there. I miss her tho, deep inside of me I hope we will get another chance and roll up that marriage again ...

[Complex]

GAL continues.
Wife still playing friends. No R or D or whatsoever talk, no closeness or any form of intimacy.

I'm a little irritated tho, I can read in her face that she likes/loves me. At least somehow. When she picked me up at the airport for example. And actually my plane had an emergency landing (because of broken restrooms) and W told me she almost died when she saw we turned around and landed on her flight tracking app. Obv she cares about me a lot.
But she is in friend mode...and I'm sure she is still convinced I'm not "the one".

I don't cry anymore. I'm sad at times, but it's ok. Right now it's just a challenge to DB right and also even to find out if we could have a future. I'm not giving up,...all I want to achieve is an honest try with an open heart and that this immaturity ends and everything gets to a deeper relationship.

Maybe it's not gonna work out. Not sure if I'm prepared for that, but at least I see everything different now and that I can only change myself.

Baby steps...

[Complex]

OK..
I sneaked through my wives phone, after I've seen her on Whatsapp multiple times, then I saw the last conversation there was with me..weeks ago. So she must've deleted messages.
When I came home she was in the bathroom and I looked at whatsapp again. There was an empty message of some guy in there.

I casually asked her if she's using whatsapp at all since there is iMessage now. She tells me only for me and her cousin. I tried to not upset her but was like I see you on whatsapp all the time and she gets nervous but tells me there's nothing. And I'm like so why do I see you there...'why don't yoh show me, sorry if I mistrust you' she gets her phone and on the way deleted the empty message.
I look at it and tell her 'ok now I know you're lying'. Blown!

THEN: Long discussion, it's only an EM. I believe her but I'm prepared for more. I can tell she pretty much only told me what's necessary. They only talk as friends but I'm sure some of you guys have heard that before.
Her schedule etc doesn't really allow an affair, there's no sign that there could be sth, but I'll keep track of the mileage of her car or so to double check.
Everyone was right. Details leak slowly.

Bottom line EA confirmed. She still is convinced we are not meant to be and it was a terrible mistake of hers getting married and she's painfully suffering that she is doing this to me.

Bad day very bad...going to lock myself in and cry for a bit now

[Complex]

No one responded to my stuff in a while, guess I should get involved into other discussions here. I was gone for work a few days tho...very busy, thank god.
Help us very much appreciated

[Complex]

Holy ....

My wife goes showering. She accidentally left her phone. Since she told me she doesn't text him on whatsapp I look at her regular texts.....and I find everything!!!!

She was texting him everyday. They have an EA. It's not physical regarding to the texts. But it's very clear they are flirting heavy.

She came to get her phone and I didnt even pretend...she saw me with it and it all blew up.

I'm shaking. What should I do???

[jim0987]

Baby Steps is all you can do. If your shaking though go find somewhere you can get some peace. any interaction now is likely to be pretty hostile.

I've been where you are loads of times and the looking at her phone isnt going to do you any good unless you want a very combative situation.

think about it what is the best that can happen from looking?

thought about it?





Got anything good yet?


nope - nothing good will come from it. seriously been there so often (even in the last week) and nothing good comes from it.

On the plus side you didnt pretend so its all in the open rather than hidden undercurrent.

[Complex]

Baby Steps is all you can do. If your shaking though go find somewhere you can get some peace. any interaction now is likely to be pretty hostile.

I've been where you are loads of times and the looking at her phone isnt going to do you any good unless you want a very combative situation.

think about it what is the best that can happen from looking?

thought about it?





Got anything good yet?


nope - nothing good will come from it. seriously been there so often (even in the last week) and nothing good comes from it.

On the plus side you didn't pretend so its all in the open rather than hidden undercurrent.

Thanks Jim. I had to look because she did not want to confess. At least I got this out of the way now.
Did you ever confront one of the affair partners? If so how?

This is the worst day of my life, and I thought it just got better :(((

[jim0987]

No didnt confront the affair partners. thought about getting divorce papers delivered to him at his office but ultimately in my situation its not about him and so confronting isnt whats needed

generally i think the advice is not to and for the most part you dont want to talk about or acknowledge the OM very much (except here)

[Mozza]

Very sorry to hear, Complex. It must be awful for you. Almost all of us have been there, so we understand. I hope that we prepared somewhat to this "revelation". It should have been almost a given that it was happening.

It may be hard to understand, but your plan doesn't change much. You give her space, GAL, etc. the whole DB. The fact is that you CAN'T stop the A by opposing it. It has to come from her. She already told you she wanted to separate, so she can't go any further. If anything, it will puzzle her if you look like you don't mind. The more you oppose, the more value you give to the A. You feed what you emphasize.

Good luck. We're alongside you.

[Complex]

got it. I guess you know the feeling very well that you just want him to think of you when they talk...
I don't know how to deal with this.

I signed up for the gym today and have an appointment with a therapist next Monday.

My whole body is in pain...