Gogofo - no longer piecing 2nd BD - pt. 2

[gogofo]

A couple other truths is that she is still angry about what I did and didn't do in the previous years of our marriage. She has not forgiven me and holds it as a score card. When I show progress and changes she likes it makes her mad because as she said "she would have loved me to do it before when she was so madly in love with me."

She also told me she holds back on the things I said I would like in the relationship. I told her some expressions of love that mean a lot to me, physical touch and words of affirmation are my love languages, like cuddling in bed and hand holding all the way to sex and in between. She told me that last week she laid in be and knew I wanted to be touched or cuddled but she decided that she did not want to do it. She said she wants it to feel natural and not forced.

With words of affirmation she has said "why should I receive praise for my actions when it was things she did naturally before in our relationship and received no credit for it."

She is also mad that I had to hit rock bottom to make any changes or to be self reflective in my actions. She has asked before, right after she filed, "I don't understand why I wasn't worth it before." So past actions from me made her feel worthless.

I feel that the resentment and the holding back and anger are all related and are her biggest hurtles in the work she needs to do for our R to get better. Just my opinion.

I know there is nothing I can do to change or help with these things, so I just continue showing her that these changes with me are not temporary or to win her back.