I feel like my W is turning into that of HPoirot, except for the tone. After my email about reducing communications, she managed to contact me three times yesterday. In the morning, she emailed me about getting some children CDs from me. In the afternoon, she called about a problem at school (was far from phone, didn't pick up) and then sent me texts about it.
I quickly responded to the text, but took 12 hours to respond to the email about the CDs. There was no rush anyway, but I'll try to be quicker in the future.
By the way, anyone has read "The Year of Magical Thinking" by Joan Didion? It's a personal essay about the grief surrounding the sudden death of her husband. Weirdly, my W just read it and found it "amazing".
Yes i've read it. It's very well written, of course. (Joan Didion is an excellent author).
MAYBE this^^ is a clue from your wife about how SHE feels as her m to you may be ending. OR maybe she just shared a "moment" with you. No matter.
I'd read it if I were you--then I'd make a comment to your w about it but Don't see this as pursuit (which always includes expectations).
Meaning, reading a book your spouse says was "amazing", to ME, is Like seeing a movie that she said was "great".
It's not pursuit so much as an acknowledgment that she knows a little about your taste AND OR she's trying to share something with you that felt safe AND OR it shows that you listened to and heard her..
I'm confident she'd notice if you brought it up sometime, like "W, I saw that 'amazing' book you read, by Joan Didion. THEN insert an authentic observation about the book---& maybe say
something like "So anyway, W, you were right, it was a really good read. Thanks for mentioning it." Expect nothing to be said by her then, and maybe ever.
Don't wait for a comment or action. Move to the next room or get a drink and go to the next topic, etc....UNLESS she really engages you about it. Then be a "book club member" and discuss it more or ask her about her opinions on it, etc. Do not disagree with her, of course. Find common ground.
There's no way that comment/fact won't register with her. Gives her something to think...and contrast with her new life partner.
Joan Didion has truly mastered a way of explaining her grief. It's powerful and very telling that your w mentioned it.
PS
This thought helped me keep my focus. My DB coach told it to me.
"You want to contrast the life your WAS is creating, wherever, with the life you are creating."
The life my h had up on the tundra, was on what HE called the "Last Frontier", "Gold Rush", and was "Brisk in winters" (FYI, my h never called Alaska "cold as he11") ,
contrasted with
the WARM (literally AND figuratively)
loving sunny (upbeat and PMA) life you have there."
See what that might look like for you.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
