will have 2nd thoughts about leaving the m, (absent abuse).
WHEN?
When will they have those doubts or second thoughts? WHEN will they wonder if they really did right by their kids, or themselves?
1) whenever a financial stressor arises, that would not have arisen had she stayed in the m;
2) whenever her child(ren) miss their dad;
3) whenever her child(ren) have had a loving/fun experience with their dad;
4) whenever a love song or good memory pops up. These will increase in frequency as her anger/pain dissipates, if it is not reignited by further conflict;
5) when she sees her stbx, acting calm or confident, and or with a PMA;
6) when her stbx does not fuel her justifications for leaving;
7) when her stbx acts different, incorporating a 180 into his everyday life: i.e. shows real change;
8) whenever family or long standing friends are around and stbx's absence is more pronounced, e.g. holidays, weddings, funerals, etc.
9) every time a child centered event/activity happens, and both parents are there but not really "together".
10) when the stbx has a new R and seems happy, desired by OWs and is seen in a new different/better light.
11) whenever a conflict between she & her stbx, is resolved in a healthy/new way
All of these^^ and more, are times when ALL WAWs will at least wonder about their choice to leave.
At first they'll resolve those doubts by saying "no, stbx is still the same."
If he really does seem different,
at first they'll tell themselves "well, sure but it won't last."
If it seems to be lasting, they'll tell themselves,
"well it would not have lasted/changed, for ME"...but the second thoughts can be very persistent and in time, haunting.
At least the LBSers know they took the hand they were dealt, and played it as well as they could. I'd rather be the LBSer than the WAS for sure. I'm not haunted by my choices.
Assuming the LBSer really did the DB process, the LBSer knows they have improved as people, as parents and as partners. They know they are profoundly different.
Should you have done more, sooner? Yeah, you should have. Bummer...
Is there a single thing you can do, now, about the past?
Nope. You owned your flaws, apologized for them, for real.
If it's "too little too late", you still have the rest of your life for those changes to stick, & help you in your next R. That's not a "Loss"; it's a "Win."
But I really do believe that --Deep down, a mother of kids who love their dad, who once really did love her h as well, Will look back and wonder what might have been...
I know she will....
Be ready for when she does that, b/c 10 to 1, if you keep at this, she will.
Make sense? Got this?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
