Busting this Divorce - 90 Days NC #6

[NewB3]

Hpoirot,
This last page has so many helpful things in it. I had a WAW set on Divorce. She felt that was the answer to her depression (I feel..lost herself in the marriage/child). She may still feel that way. I tried DB and it upset her, because I was not listening to what she wanted. I was not "hearing her". She wanted a D.
Now, I am emotionally drained and try to also have no communication unless it is about S4. I avoid chit chat, but am polite and answer her when she asks questions, though vaguely. I ask her nothing personal, yet she volunteers information. I smile and am polite. I am "dark" other than that. I try to be empathetic when she is upset about parenting issues, yet offer her no advice. I simply lead, as she lets me.
I am post divorce (4 months), post moving out (3 months), post holiday time together (family in town/dinners/birthdays). Now is time to focus on me and not let her have such control over my emotions. How can do you fully detach emotionally? Sandi2?

Sandi2, This is just what I needed/AGAIN today.
"I believe when a couple separates, there needs to be a period of time where they should avoid contact with each other. It is so easy to trigger something during a quick exchange, texting, etc. They need that space from each other to regroup and calm down where they feel a bit more balanced in their emotional equilibrium.

This is why I do not agree with the idea of getting all buddy-buddy. How could it be genuine? IMO, she needs to know he is not happy about what she has done to the family, and frankly, he is not interested in being her friend. He is done! That is the only message that will cause her to rethink her actions.

The WAW and LBH should be civil, and that is all, during this adjustment period. Otherwise, the LBH will be putting all this unnecessary pressure on himself......just like HP is doing now. He should not be concerned now she feels about him GAL. It is ludicrous! He left that stuff behind him......or should have."


I guess letting her go is scary. I feel I will lose her for good. That is what keeps me tangled. I know she sees my hurt/frustration and knows she caused all this stuff for me, S4, and herself. How do I get to her without letting go? Better yet, how do I let go in order to get to her?