Nettles, I misread your comment about fighting her terms on D. I would fight any unfair terms on D.
In addition, She replied that it doesn't matter who files so she will take care of it. She asked for my address and said that she will have the money to file on February 6th and she would like for me to pay half and I left it at that. We haven't spoken or text since then. Thinking about how I reacted to that conversation, I realized that I did not react like I would have a few weeks ago. I do not think she expected for me to not panic. My normal reaction would have been to say I am not ready and to ask for another chance. In some ways, I am proud of myself but I still feel despair at the fact my M might end. I have started a new life with new friends. I have a regular hobby. I am enjoying this new life as much as I can. However, I see my new friends with their spouses and I feel such a hole open up in my heart and the thoughts about how can my M end this way? why is it ending? and why me? consume me until I find my way back to acceptance. We have been separated for 7 months now. The longer it last, the more I realize the end is inevitable. I don't want any of you to think I am unhappy. I try to find happiness in everything that I do, but like many of you I still cling to that light at the end of tunnel. you cant quite see where you will be but you hope it will in the arms of the one you gave your heart to. if not, you hope that all the work you've done to get you to the end will help you accept anything else besides what you've hoped for. I've heard D described as being reborn again but you must die first. I fear that path. I will continue the work to save my M until the end. on that note, I have followed the rules as far and as much as I can. we are co-parents so it is hard to go dark at times. Doing 180s is kind of difficult, we do not live together, we barely communicate and we rarely are around each other. I have sought counseling and attended men's seminar on marriages and relationships to better myself. I watched one of Michele's video on YouTube about WAWs and she expressed how the H goes on panic mode and become the H the W wished they had; however, they never see or notice the changes they make. At the end, the H becomes a better H at the WAW's account and make someone else extremely happy. I know I am not the same man. My happiness is not tied to being M but I would like to make my W happy. no one else. does this any of what I said to anyone? or am I way off base?
Me:28 W:24 M:4 years S5 Step son 5, S2 Separated: 07/01/14 DB:01/09/15 Possible OM, not sure.
Last edited by hjoseph; 01/12/1505:54 PM.
Me:28 W:24 M:4 years S5, SS5, S2 Separated: 07/01/14 Asked for D 1/09/15
