Divorced and moving out.....still hopeful

[NewB3]

Drop off of S4 went horrible this evening. He was excited from noon until we left to see his mom. Since she had a tough time with him last week I took it upon myself on the way over to remind him to be kind dues he was told and make sure he gave hugs and kisses when he saw her today. He took some toys with him and was very nice on the way over. When we arrived he went to the door with some of his toys as he did not want me to talk to his mommy. When he came back to the car I had almost everything out and sitting ready for him, however, he got into the car and said he did not want to stay he wanted to go home with me.
I locked the car doors and took everything up to the door and she open the door. She welcomed me and asked how everything was and was very kind. I laid everything of his on the couch and explained that he was not so great this weekend as he has problems with not liking authority he continuously will ask a question if he does not get the answer he wants. I'm sure she gives in and she probably feels guilty about this whole situation. But then again that would be mind reading.
She came to the car and asked me what I was going to do I took my jacket off and put it in the car and she said rather than both of us stand here I will go ahead and go inside. I said nothing to her and told him if he did not get out of the car that there will be no surprises this week when he came to visit. I then said I will count to three and you need to go inside. With a you can't catch me, he ran out of the car and to the front door. I went to the front door he opened it and said I'm going to close it so you can't come in as he went to close it I walk to the car. I got into the car locked the doors and rolled up the window. He went inside so I thought. As I started the car he came outside. I told him I was leaving and that he needed to go in the house. I started the car and he started to walk back his mother came out looked at me and said I thought you were still here I didn't know you were leaving. I told her that he had already made it inside was going to slam the door in my face so I was leaving. Without saying much she walked back towards the door and motioned him on. Before he can get to the front door and before she could check where I was I was out of the driveway and leaving.
I was really indifferent to the whole situation, it was simply a troublesome drop off. I need to have no conversations with her or discuss anything with her of any importance. I hope it sits well with her.
Again going want to get feeling here but I hope doing what I am is the correct thing. Not sure how to show her I've completely let go other than to be kind, do my parental duty, and leave it at that.

[NewB3]

Now that I am home...thinking about her. I feel empty and alone.

[NewB3]

Guess my problem is that I am still emotionally attached. I miss her dearly. We were best friends, lovers, and then the BD. WTH? So now I choose to not be friends if she cannot be romantic. So, is this a stand-off? Do I give in to the friendship to simply be in her life?

Confused.

[paul19510]

Your description of the drop off sounds...not so good. S4 doesn't seem to be comfortable. You and XW should be working together to help him atdrop off. Its already hard enough for him to understand.

Working with XW, perhaps going inside with them and being civil would work well instead of the scenario you wrote about. What's are you doing for YOU to feel better and become all that you want in your new life?

Peace...

[NewB3]

Your description of the drop off sounds...not so good. S4 doesn't seem to be comfortable. You and XW should be working together to help him atdrop off. Its already hard enough for him to understand.

Working with XW, perhaps going inside with them and being civil would work well instead of the scenario you wrote about. What's are you doing for YOU to feel better and become all that you want in your new life?

Peace...

This was ONE bad drop off. Usually it goes pretty well. We do work together, but her going inside and not being "available" when he goes in??? I mean he closed the door, I went to my car. He came back out, unknowingly to her. OKAY, maybe she thought I was still dealing with him and went to the kitchen, or maybe she thought I was going to visit for a few. I was done.
For me, I am focusing on my new home. Cooking more. Trying to focus on my kids and not her. I have emotionally drained myself trying to "detach" from her. I know that is the only way to get her to see what she has and has not. I need to just make the leap. She will feel it, but then what? Is it really that complicated? She is focusing on many things to avoid (it appears). However, the S4 and I are a constant reminder. She got what she wanted. I have been the best I can through this, but am just tired of the game. If she wants me, I am here, just not showing all my cards. Again, I am dark 90% of the time. Giving her the space she needs to see what she needs to. I do not run to the phone when she calls, nor text back as soon as I can. I wait and let her feel the distance. She is not the most important thing in my life anymore. She threw that away. She threw me away. My love for her was something I never have felt before. She had never had anyone treat her/ romance her/ care for her, like I did. Now, here we are. We cannot even be comfortable around each other for the raw feelings and unsureness of where we stand with each other. I am personally trying to make her see where she stands with me. She comes 4th in my list of priorities.

[NewB3]

25yrsmlc really nailed some of my worries on this thread. I feel linking these nuggets of pure gold may help someone else too.

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2522816&page=8

[NewB3]

So this evening I get a call from ex-wife and she wants to give me an update on how S4 did this morning. She said things went well and he was doing well tonight. I then explained to her drop off yesterday and that I would not ever leave my child on the doorstep and just drive on. She understood and did not seem to have any problems with what I said. She then said we'll see how things go tomorrow. I told her what I had talked to S4 about on yesterday.
So this whole conversation was about S4. However, then she asked me about my broken cell phone. I told her pretend you have a phone with black tape on the screen. I'm depending on Siri to do most of my calls.
She then said well how should I get in touch with you? I told her she can just call. She said well let me know if you need anything. I'm not sure what I can do for you. But let me know.
She then followed with I will call you in the morning and give you an update on how things went. We then we're about to get off the phone and I told her well thanks for the update it was good to hear from you. She said have a good night talk to you later bye.

So as you can see we have coparenting going on. Yet she still has to throw in some personal things offering help and such. Not reading much into it just letting it be just updating in case anyone has any advice here.

[NewB3]

She has called me almost daily this week. Everything is about S4. But then will say things like, hope everything is going okay with you. Hope you have a good night. Talk to you soon.

S4 tells me the other night that he misses his family. What a profound thing to say for a little guy. He said he wants his mommy at my house and me at mommy's house. I often have heard this from him and assume he wanted us to switch houses. However this week, I looked at him and said do you mean you want mommy to live at my house when you're there and I live at mommy's house when you're there? He said yes.

Against my better judgment the other day, I sent her an article on parenting tips from a schoolteacher. I said nothing I just simply forwarded the article. She replied shortly thereafter thanks for this I need all the help I can get. Funny thing is she had all the help she can get when she had me.

Today she calls shortly after lunch and asked if I had a talk with S4 about the class she signed him up for. That was all based on our last conversation. I told him I waited till the voicemail was sent and I wasn't. I called her back and hour later and left her a voicemail stating that I had talk to him and that he was excited about the class.
After much reading this week I'm doing my best to stay out of the friend zone.

[NewB3]

So tonight she calls me to ask me if I recall that I am watching him tomorrow. I said yes I will be there early. She then tells me how she's had a rough weekend and since it was nice whether, she had plans to take him to the zoo. He was very excited last week about that. When the time came Saturday he did not want to change out of his PJs. He is done that all weekend. Ask him if he wants to go to the park he gets excited about it but will not change out of his PJs and so he says, let's just stay home. She said so all weekend I had no choice but to stay in the house. We've done nothing. And the weekends over. My thoughts here are if we were together I could've stayed home you could've gone out and vice versa. However she chose to go this alone, so she has to deal with that not me.
I didn't told her that he seemed quite sad last week and maybe that's the problem and that he had said some things. She said he hadn't said anything to her. Well I told her what he said about wanting his family back. She said he came in this morning when he woke up he screamed her name ran into her room knocked over a piece of furniture and began hitting her in the face. I explained to her that he may be having emotions that he doesn't know how to deal with. He's angry and sad. I've seen that myself although he doesn't get me. She said well I seem to be catching the brunt of it.
Although I didn't say it, surely anyone can see, he is mad at her for breaking up the family. He senses it somehow. I've never told him it's mommy's fault. Any suggestions on this?

[NewB3]

Cannot stop thinking about S4. He clearly wants us back. He had also said, and yes, I told her....I want you to live at mommys house and mommy to live at your house. He said that following the I want my family back comment. So, although he had said that before...within this context, I did not think he was just being silly.
I did have him clarify...he wants mommy and daddy together with him, in the same home daily.
Now that she knows this, I know it will weigh on her.
I am sad for him, and getting down again.

I have not had comments or advice here in a while. My C has been on vacation since before Christmas and I am lonely, tired, and emotionally a mess tonight.

Sandi2? Mr. Bond? Wonka? Mlc25yrs? Any words of encouragement or wisdom you can share?