Busting this Divorce - 90 Days NC #6

[sandi2]

Thank you all for such sweet and comforting words. And thank you, HP, for allowing me to borrow your thread. It is very early where I am and I am feeling the effects of my emotional day yesterday, but my DB family helped me more than you know.

The loved one I lost was my mother. Such a model of what a lady should be! She was my best friend and the void she left in my life will be filled with the inspiration and memories she gave me. As far as I know, the only time I really shocked, and I'm sure, must have disappointed her greatly was when she discovered I was involved with OM. And yet, her motherly love surpassed that disappointment and she did not forsake me. So, I only tell you this about her as a tribute to her.

I know the majority of you are LBS's and suffer more greatly than I can imagine. I have been treated so kindly by most who come to the board. If I can encourage anyone to have hope and not give up, I want to try and do it. One day, your WAW'S will have to face the impact of her actions. She may be seeing some of it now, but has not really accepted that she is to blame. As the fog lifts and reality hits her harder and harder until her fantasy crashes down around her, she will begin to see how wrong she has been. Will she ever come to you with a broken and remorseful heart? It depends on the woman, her pride, the circumstances of the stitch, and you.

I can't remember, now, exactly how long it took me to overcome my pride enough to go to my H and truly present to him my remorseful and pathetic excuse of an apology. I think it was at least a year after the A ended, but I'm not sure. I actually prayed to God to give me the remorse I should have, b/c as a Christian I knew it was needed in order for me and my H to heal. That may not make sense to those who do not believe the way I do, but that was for me. Anyway, I can't imagine how long it may have taken if I had not asked God, maybe never.....IDK.

Please don't take this to be discouraging news for you, but more as information to let you know that for some WAW's it comes sooner.....or much later, but I doubt it comes quickly for very many. It is a process, like so many other things we have to go through. That is why I encourage you to make a life for yourself, while she is going through this process. It will not help to wait and watch, and getting angry b/c she is not doing what you want her to do. It will not push her to repent sooner. You will
probably never understand this woman she is right now. She doesn't even understand herself. Every WAW's journey is somewhat different. I count myself extremely blessed to have found those special people who were here and shined the light on the truth bright enough for me to find my way back.

Many of you are facing much more serious issues than I did, and my heart hurts for you. I see how lives can be destroyed, but I also know that lives can be restored. I wish I had the eloquent words and warmth that Vanilla has in her beautiful posts (thank you Vanilla). I wish my talent was editifying others. All I have to give is what I have learned, and hope that it might spare some of you a few mistakes along the way. But we all are still learning about life, aren't we? As Vanilla said, love is powerful. I believe it is more powerful than hate and anger and unforgiveness.

I just wanted to say that I appreciate everyone who responded yesterday, and I pray you each will be blessed for your compassion.

And now, I am turning HP's thread back over to him.