need help 4 - final

[lostluv]

So , today I dropped off my daughter at my stbx's place. I updated her on things about my daughter and then told my daughter bye, i love you and gave her a kiss and high five (normal routine). then i told her "See you later" . she acted somewhat irritated like she wanted me to hang around or something. Later I text her to confirm the schedule for visitation and she seemed petty chatty via text but I kept it short.

I have been completely detached for about 3 weeks and have been out doing the GAL stuff. I feel great about everything so far except I miss my daughter when she is not around.

i was having a discussion with someone about my situation and they asked about any chance of reconciling and said there has to be feeling still there. I thought about it for a minute and realized that I would have to say no. There are still feelings but not ones that would make me want to try the marriage again....mostly in fear that it would just happen again in a few years. I mean part of me would want to , but for the wrong reason....my daughter. A marriage cannot be a successful happy marriage if it is being portrayed just for the kids.

6 months ago if you would have asked me, I would have told you that I would wait for years for the chance to get back together. But after struggling with it for several months, breaking down almost every day, being constantly told "i don't love you", "i'm not happy" , "I don't want to be with you" and "there is no way it will work".... it changes a person. we talked several times and she insisted every time that it is over and divorce is the only way.

I'm ok with that now, but i have a feeling that down the road (probably within this year) she will begin to change her mind. I've thought about it a lot and like I said, the only reason I can come up with to even consider it is my daughter...... in a way that makes me sad. It makes me feel like I am letting my little girl down.



for me, this sight and advice is a way to get you past feeling like a failure and depressed to make you realize that you ARE worth something. it's human nature to want what you can't have....and I feel that's why "divorcebusting" works for some. but unless BOTH people really want it.... it only works temporarily. because eventually (without major changes on both sides) one or both will get complacent again and the same old situation will arise or the marriage will continue to struggle for years.

It's time to just move forward, continue working on ME, love my daughter and be involved with her as much as possible. I will remain "friends" and wish the best for her. Hopefully she will find happiness and allow me to do the same.

part of me says it [censored], while the other part of me is looking at the opportunity given to me.


I appreciate all the help and support I have gotten here. I hope to touch base once in a while and update what is going on. It seems this thread is pretty dead LOL and I don't blame you..... why contribute to something that is obviously over right?

that's exactly what I realized about my marriage. I've ultimately let go of the rope.

I know some will look down on me for "giving up", but if you were in the situation (not just reading about it) an dwent through EVERYTHING.... maybe you would make the same decision.