The quote you posted about The world ending...forgiveness was so great, it brought tear to my eyes.
For me, as I learned to defend myself from what hurts me, I normally felt anger and got free of the bad feelings. I was always very proud of how easy it is for me to let go on people, things, life. As I was angry, it would make it all easier for me to just disconnect. Now, I know better that it is not the way. I was not dealing with my problems, issues, I was just postponing the pain until it is now a giant snow ball. Thanks for posting it. It's great.
Regarding your W, your improvement is great, you are trying very hard and it counts. It's a day by day exercise. The more you do it, the easiest it will get. Like Wonka said, don't beat yourself, be patient and gentle with yourself too.
Your wife has a lot of guilt and she is processing it as she goes. Her reaching out to you may be somewhat the guilt that is speaking out. She needs to process all her feelings too, and if you keep friendly, polite she may be able to process it with a positive attitude towards you.
Be careful, not every day will be all summer feelings, there will be the dark days. As much as you have good intentions, there will be days you will feel completely shut down. Just breath and give yourself some space to just get through the day. Next day, things will be better.
You have been growing a lot, and are seeing the results of you self improvement. Your are listening and following advice from others.
I hope things will get better for you. Life is hard, but we have a choice to make it at least enjoyable. Keep the hard work.
My pastor said last sunday that we need to think of God and us like this: When pain hits us so hard we think: "We are the son and God circle around us and answer all our prayers to make us happier. But after suffering so much and for so long we think and conclude: "God is the sun and we are all little star and planets that circle around him. He is the energy we need to keep moving."
Today, my pastor said that sometimes we have the "Wait" moment in our lives. Right now for example, we have no control of what our S will do and decide. So it is the wait moment. We can choose to move on with business or we can look into ourselves and say that I will do something in God's name, It will not be about myself, it will be about Him.
Good luck HP, I am very proud of you and how you are handling things right now. Keep doing the hard work.
