Yeah, I agree. Your right, our conversations are doing nothing. She tells me things and does whatever she wants anyway. She's so angry at sessions and I let it affect me, like I'm a bad person. It's the pinnacle of diversion and projecting back onto me. The comments about how hard she has it really put me over the edge. Like it was my fault she's in this. I used to think that way, but that's what my boiling point was. Im done taking the blame. It's like trying to talk to a spoiled teenager.
I watched that video last night and that's when I realized that the outcome is going to be what it's meant to be. like I said, my IC has been working on trying to make me realize that I'm paralyzed with fear about how things I do or say could affect the outcome. I Was just not getting it at first, but the video helped....it's not in my hands. I'm releasing control.
my W and M aside, it's so painful to cope with the thought of missing out on half my kids lives, but that's just one other thing that I can't control right now. Also, I need to live for today, not for what may or may not come.
I know she's already gone, so why was I still trying to rescue her? I don't know. What I was trying to say above that these were all 'her' decisions, I can't cater to them anymore. I'm not going to be a jerk about anything, but it's time I start doing what I need to do.
The first part of that is tell her that how's she is interacting with me when it comes to the kids is unacceptable. It is not fair to the kids and it's her decision to either make this cordial or keep going down the path we are going.
Thanks for your help Vapo, it's funny in my sitch, whenever I start to transition to the next phase, it's like all of these people that don't know each other unite and make me take the next step. You and the video did push me over the edge, you were probably the 6th or 7th person in the past few days that hit me with the 2x4 of 'stop trying to ignore that she is already gone' and 'you can only control you, not the outcome'
