It's tough to get to this kind of realization. I myself got to this point now. After so much contact I am realizing that my H just want a smooth D. Even asked me to sign giving up the Maintenance fee what his mine by right in CO, and since we were M for 18 years, that will be at least nine years paying alimony.
Well, it's was not my choice, he decided all this for me and is making the kids and I go through it without even trying. So be it. The only thing is that with all this our M probably has not chance.
I also have been closer to God, it's the only way for me to survive all the pain that is locked inside. I have good and bad days. Last time I talk to my H I asked him to back off, give me the space to grieve, forget him, taking him from my like, heart and mind. He did respect it this weekend. Lets see were it goes from now.
I am moving forward anyway. I do not want to have dates or even think about another man at this moment. I need this time for myself and I feel I need to recover from all this.
The new job sounds like something can help you too. New place, new job, new people around. Even some family. It will make the transition a little easier.
I am truly sorry you are going through this. Who knows, time goes by and we do not know what God wants from us. Where he is taking us right now.
