Infidelity and Loss

[BFloat]

I am so very sorry for you loss. The death of a child is undeniably painful and too often it can push couples apart.

I don't necessarily agree that your husband has declared war on you. I'm not sure of the back story and how your marriage was prior to this tragedy...

I'm reading that you feel that your husband is being spiteful because he threw away a chair that your son sat on... The day after my gf lost her daughter, she packed up everything and either threw it in the trash or gave it away. She only kept a handful of things. And I will tell you, I only saw her cry once. This was not a person who didn't love her daughter. But the reminder and seeing everything I think was too painful.

I can only imagine how difficult the prospect of going back to work might seem. And you say that being a psychologist you can not go back. But that is not always the case. People have had tragedies and have turned around and used their experiences to help others. Now, I'm not saying that you should be back at work because you have indicated you aren't ready. My question becomes,, when will you be ready?

I'm glad you're going to grief counselling and seeing the individual counsellors. It would probably be beneficial for your H to go as well but, it is not something you can force him to do.. Just like his thinking that you should be back at work.

My concern is that you say H doesn't come home and you shouldn't be left alone because you can be suicidal. If you recognize this in yourself, then you need to seek further support for intervention. ASAP.

What I see is that you are in an extended state of mourning. You are not functioning because you are unable to work and have isolated yourself. You seeing your SS and grandkids should not be dependent on H. I feel the dynamics you have set up is of being the victim and H must save you. As well, there is a small hint that you feel H should have helped your S but didn't.

I am not trying to make you the villain. Absolutely not. My heart breaks for you and I am so very saddened even imagining how you must feel. But I say this with as much love as I can give you here... To tell you that you need to pick yourself up.. Find your way out of that hole.. And save yourself. You can not wait for H to do it, because he seems to also be grieving (denial) that seeing you may make his coping even worse.

Friends sometimes stay away because they simply don't know what to say. Maybe take the first step and just ask one out for coffee.. Or maybe a movie where you don't even need to talk.

Take care of yourself.