Now that so much is coming to light I'm wondering how I accepted so much as normal.
This is a question for all of us. We explore our failings in the M for good reasons -- to understand how we got here and to avoid ever coming back. But we should remember that the departure of the WAS is also due to a different "pain threshold" in the couple. I see some people around here who seem to have had it worst than their WAS, yet stayed in the M. We should no idealize our spouses and assume that we were systematically the worst party in the couple just because they decided to leave.
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
This is a rough endeavor for sure. I dont think you were at all unprepared or unequipped. I just wanted to point out a couple of things. Now that your visit has been accomplished. While it seemed good and bad on his part not surprising he does not have half nor 1 percent of the support and love that you do. Also dont forget he made a huge step. Dont look at anything in normal eyes because nothing is normal and you have to have a beginners mindset. Dont forget that you have the power to change yourself and that will be the greatest gift you can give to all. Also I know that hearing the actual things he has done may be helpful but please reconsider how they may make you feel. The things he has done are symptoms. They are only the cancer that has attached to him. These are not personal attacks against you they are only symptoms. Maybe him telling you will help free him of his guilt. Maybe him telling you can help you to now forgive him and release any other feelings that have kept you trapped in this cycle. Now its time for you to be set free and him as well. Put this to bed. I dont think you accepted anything I just think if you knew a solution you would have fixed it. I think that you were the bigger person and you didnt run away. You may not have known what to do but you stayed in your marriage thats awesome and courageous. You have done the best for you and all involved you have done what you do best and thats love. Thats not at all something to ever close off because of problems due to stupid symptoms that will most definately go away. I hope this makes sense and helps in moving forward you have really went through hoops on this last endeavor and I and others are thinking of you.
Me:34/EXH:29 Kids: S13, D5, D4 M/o7 HaskedforDgavetohim6/14 decided to work on get remarried counseling. Kids work went back to old routine. Left Nov 10 2014 OWDec92014
Question for those who have been through it... There is a great house for sale down the street from me that would suit my family of four exactly. It's JUST what I want for us. Priced a mite higher than I'd hoped but the payments would be within my intended rental range. Plus I will likely need deductions if things go the way I'm hoping. Is it too soon to aim that way (not intending to rush anything), is it important to have a year or two to get my feet under me?
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
I say at least check it out! There are so many times, particularly in my marriage, when I wish I would have gone for something that seemed right (a couple of times involving houses! LOL) but said "Let's wait for this/that. Or give it time..." only to regret later all the overthinking I did as life/opportunities passed me by. But obviously a vet and someone who's gone through the process would know way more on this.
Me: 38 H: 43 Kids: 2,4 T10 M6 BD: 1/14 11/14: H moves out
Maybell, do you want to repost that question about the house for sale? I just realized I caused your question, which was for posters who had gone through the process, to get bumped down. Sorry!
Me: 38 H: 43 Kids: 2,4 T10 M6 BD: 1/14 11/14: H moves out
Go for it! What are you waiting for? I'm already looking at houses back in my home state, even though I won't be moving there for six months. Nothing is permanent, so you can buy and then move on later if something else comes along.
M: 43 H: 39 D: 14 Married 15 Together 16 BD: 6/2014 S: 8/2014 OW revealed 10/2014 Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress So over it!
Not sure I understand buy and then move on later if something else comes along. The down payment is a huge amount of money and I worry a bit about committing it so promptly. But A major goal is to provide a very stable environment for my family. My anxiety is not knowing if I'm going to meet all my goals if I make a purchase of that magnitude right out the gate.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
Interest rates are very low right now and are predicted to raise a full point by the end if 2015. Of course the same predictions were made for 2014 and they are actually lower right now.
I think you're pretty tired of moving and it would give you some peace to be done with it.
Maybell, I think you'd be lucky to find a place so soon and you should jump on it. The two women I know who have gone through a D each moved several times over the first two years before they found something suitable to live in permanently. If you find it now, take it!
