Feeling like I need some cheerleading and perhaps a bonk on the head.
WAH's dad is very ill, in hospital 1 hr away. WAH is also having health problems-- his foot is in a boot-- so it's hard for him to get around.
I've picked up the slack, parenting-wise, and have also shown empathy, inquired about his dad's health, offered words of support.
My mind went to a non-detached place today when he told me that he was up at the hospital without the car. Oh, I wondered, he got a ride? With whom? He's taking someone else--another woman??-- to see his ill father, to support him during this time? (I have no idea how he got to/from the hospital except that it was in a car). Big time spinning a story in my head, and of course it's a negative one. I didn't ask him about it at all, and he didn't tell me. (He usually mentions it when it's people I know, by the way). I just said, 'Oh, glad you found a ride.' No response.
And he's barely even telling me what's going on. But he's expecting me to just pick up all the parenting slack.
Yes, of course that is what I should do. That is what I would expect him to do if I was in his position. That is what my true, honest self tells me to do. I'm having trouble not attaching expectations to it.
I feel like such an awful person for not just being selfless towards him during this time.
My goal is to show selflessness to him with no expectations, without a desire to win him back, but just to be the best possible ME I can be...
This doesn't feel like a time when I should let him feel the natural consequences of his decision. I am better than that.
I am someone only a fool would walk away from. I am someone who will help in a time of need, without expectations.
Claire, who do you want to be?
I know it's hard. BELIEVE ME, I know it's hard. It requires mindfulness and empathy even when you don't want to feel empathy. But how hurt would you be if your H resented you for his having to help parent his own child when your parent was very ill?
You've got SO MUCH resentment. I understand why. But is THAT the woman you really, really want to be? Or do you want to be a woman with a great life? A resilient woman who teaches her D resilience?
Have you seen 25's Amy Cuddy video yet?
Live forward.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
