Jefe - Climbing out of the mire - #8

[Jefe]

"This is why you want to steer clear of any discussion that would create a negative assumption.

Keep in mind that you have the rest of your life to work out issues once the relationship has been restored."

This requires more grace than I feel like I possess sometimes but it's getting easier.

God revealed to me very clearly yesterday morning, He woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me, I can have "amends" about all of the hurts I have against my wife and how I feel wronged or He can bring her home, but I cannot have both. At least not right now. I also have some understanding and clarity that she is exceptionally wounded and not just by my hand. So I'm taking that into account too.

She's made steps towards resolution that I never thought she'd make. Things I thought would start a war if I asked her to do them, she's done on her own.

It's simply amazing.

I feel like I can almost reach out and touch it some days. Then others, like today, it feels like it's a million miles away. I am real clear that if I force it, chase it, manipulate it, pursue it, or otherwise just try and grab it that it sets the clock back. I have no choice other than to just love her, mirror her, and project as much positive and kind gestures her direction as possible when we interact. Plus I must have myself built on a solid foundation so she has something to lean against.

"Notice how refusing to take a conversation down a negative path helped the conversation melt into your lives instead of take over your lives. Chances are you remember negative conversations more than positive conversations because positive conversations are forgettable."

I was thinking about this just now and I remembered that during the conversation Fri, we fell into a topic that has a comfortable and predictable pattern that usually ends up negative but instead, I just stopped mid stream and said, "Yes, dear. It's no problem." She even commented that, that made her happy.

I choose my marriage over being right. It may just be the one concept that ends up saving my sorry behind.

Thank you Hope.