Hi Faith! To be honest, I am not quite sure. I never in a million years thought he would go, but he gave me a tiny window of "fine" and I signed us up right away. He has told me he doesn't want to go, and is not open to working on our marriage, but I have read a lot of things that basically say, just get him there and then trust the process. I have told him I need this, and he says "if it gives you closure, whatever". So it's not looking good but I am hopeful.
Me:30 H:31 D1 T: 7 years M: 3.5 years BD: 12/2014 3 month S starts: 2/2015
Okay, I have identified five things I am going to work on;
1) Support those that matter to me, and have their back. I realized I would question my husband when he would say things that embarrassed me in front of others, when I felt like other people could tell that he was exaggerating. How horrible! I should always have his back, no matter what. Same thing goes for my family and friends. I should never say anything negative about them to others. 2) Stop keeping score with everyone. I was acting resentful towards him bc I felt like I was doing more than him in terms of caring for our daughter. I shouldn't be keeping score, and if I need help I need to ask for help! 3) Hold my tongue, and LISTEN when others are talking. Speaks for itself! 4) Be grateful and gracious to my family and friends for being there for me, instead of taking them for granted 5) Cherish and be present in the moment, especially with my daughter instead of going through the motions or being disconnected, ie on my phone.
I think if I make these behavioral changes, with everyone I interact with, I will be a better friend, family member, mother...and hopefully if given the chance...wife!!!
Me:30 H:31 D1 T: 7 years M: 3.5 years BD: 12/2014 3 month S starts: 2/2015
Okay, I have identified five things I am going to work on;
1) Support those that matter to me, and have their back. I realized I would question my husband when he would say things that embarrassed me in front of others, when I felt like other people could tell that he was exaggerating. How horrible! I should always have his back, no matter what. Same thing goes for my family and friends. I should never say anything negative about them to others.
Hold up there, Mary. Why is it ok for your H to embarrass you in public? Did he really say hurtful things, or were you just overly sensitive?
I agree with not speaking negatively about H in public, but that doesn't rule out speaking with him in private and telling him you were embarrassed.
Oh no I don't mean when he embarrassed me personally. I mean when he would say things that I found embarrassing because of the content, bc he has a tendandcy to exagerate and then would look at me and be like, "right?" And I wouldn't want to lie and agree so I would instead correct him. But now I realize that those exaggerations were harmless and was it really worth it for me to clarify? No.
Me:30 H:31 D1 T: 7 years M: 3.5 years BD: 12/2014 3 month S starts: 2/2015
Oh no I don't mean when he embarrassed me personally. I mean when he would say things that I found embarrassing because of the content, bc he has a tendandcy to exagerate and then would look at me and be like, "right?" And I wouldn't want to lie and agree so I would instead correct him. But now I realize that those exaggerations were harmless and was it really worth it for me to clarify? No.
You mean like a fish tale? OK, that makes sense. If they were truly harmless, then, no, don't correct him. Carry on.
My H corrects me all the time in public...and I hate it and I then am the one embarrassed If he would just go along as you say and not clarify, back me up by saying "yes", it would be fine.
So it was/is not really worth you to rewrite the conversation with your version/clarification
Hi friends! My H sent me a link to an article on marriage today, and said he found it on a website for the retreat we are going on. I tried to validate as much as possible during our convo about it.
I am taking this as a GOOD sign, after a couple of bad signs this weekend. Four more days until the retreat! I am really looking forward to spending time with him. I miss him so much, even though I still see him every day.
Me:30 H:31 D1 T: 7 years M: 3.5 years BD: 12/2014 3 month S starts: 2/2015
It was about how marriages need kindness and generosity to survive. He said he was blown away by how much it hit home for us. The article was really good, and it really did talk about a lot of things that I messed up on. Particularly, it talks about neglecting small moments of emotional connection, which is something I am so guilty of.
Me:30 H:31 D1 T: 7 years M: 3.5 years BD: 12/2014 3 month S starts: 2/2015
