All of our thoughts are with you today. I probably speak for many that your insight and guidance here is a gift to us all. Also, we are humbled that you choose to come to these boards to express your grief. I lost my younger sister suddenly a few years ago. We could have had a must closer relationship, but we didn't. I regret that and probably felt similar to how you feel today. Everyday, I feel some solace in looking back through how she lived her life and use that to guide my future. I hope that you can find some comfort today. You and your family are in my prayers.
M:36 W:37 T: 15 M:11 S6 D5 BD: 8/10/14 IDLY: 8/12/14 S: 8/13/14 (she left, I stayed w/ kids) D Mentioned: 10/15/14 Confronted about OM: 10/15/14 EA: ~4/13 PA: ~10/13 She filed: 8/15 (not final)
I don't mean to depress anyone and I really don't where to post this, so I pray it is acceptable to HP that I do it here. I am having a very difficult time today, so maybe It will help if I try to write. I am grieving very deeply over the passing of a loved one. The years of one's life has been reduced to a few boxes to be stored away. Will anyone ever look at it again? IDK, I just know I can't throw it away. Not yet, maybe never. The memories........are so sweet and yet painful as I know all my chances to share with that one person are gone forever. I should have done more, should have been better. Why do we live as though we have forever? Time was so short, so precious, and so much of it was wasted.
I have learned anger has many faces. Rage, smoldering, resentment, bitterness, jealousy, judgement, vindictiveness, disappointment, and so much more. We choose to not forgive b/c we don't want to let go of the anger. Why would we ever want to cling to something that makes us so ugly within? Forgiveness has nothing to do with the other person and everything to do with us. It has nothing to do with them deserving or earning our pitiful forgiveness to them. Forgiveness is based on who and what we are as a person, not them.
As I search my heart today, I believe I have forgiven every person who ever did me wrong. Yet, I struggle to forgive myself for the pain I have caused my loved one who is gone. The disappointment and absolute horror of my actions will forever be my shame to bear. The disgrace I brought on the memory of those who raised me, and to those who loved me as best they could. How do I ever make it right? I can't.
Today my pain is so great. I want to gather all my cherished family and hold them so tight. I want to tell the world to stop this craziness and just love each other while they have the time. But I know this is part of the grieving I must do. It is a process.......much like forgiveness. Sometimes we can't just make the decision and it's done. We have to work on it a little more each day. Maybe someday I will even be able to forgive myself. Strange, b/c I thought I had, until this happened. Regret.........for anyone who reads this, please don't live in regret. Life is so short.
Tomorrow I will move forward a little more. That is all we can do. Don't stop growing and loving, and giving of ourselves. Make each day count, a sweet memory without regret.
Sandi... I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for opening up about your feelings, your loved one, forgiveness, and anger here. These painful things you help us deal with here... we forget life is so short. I don't know what to say.
Me: 44 W: 45 S: 11 Married: 15 Together: 18 BD: 9/29/2014 OM discovered: 10/16/2014 I left her behind: 12/14/2014
I hope you found some comfort. what you've written was very poignant and moving. Life is short and its is important we make the best of what we have.
Sandi, you support so many people on these boards with your wisdom and advice. I have no idea how many people you have helped save and how many marriages for that matter but the number is many and i'm sure each one greatly appreciates the time you've given them (I certainly do).
the past cant be changed but we can always try to make amends and honour those we love and who care for us by what we do, and the good you do here honours everyone who cares about you.
I'm very sorry for your loss
Take care
Both mid 30s, 2 young kids BD 7sep14 XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1 D paperwork in progress
Me 47/W 34 T 16 M 13 No kids BD 6/2013 W asked that I move out 6/2013 I moved back and W is upset with this 12/2013 separate beds not much talking Served D Complaint 5/2014 W moved out 9/27/2014
As Jim said Sandi you have helped us all at some time, we, all of us I think I can say, send our thoughts and wishes to you now.
I've lost close family, young, I know exactly what you meant and you put it so, so well.
Take care
Edz
M:44, W:46, S:10 M 13 years, T 15 BD:23/7/2014 W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014 My new place: 21/11/2014 W/S back to flat 22/11/2014 W coming closer, talking 4/2015 Piecing 5/2015 Moving in again 6/2015
Those who we love and who love us move with the joy of connection.
No matter the pain and disappointment that which is love endures beyond grief and pain. The highest power within us binds us even if we disappoint or harm. love is all above everything it releases anger, grief and pain.
Please know that if you love that even in loss and pain that love is all. I would have you comforted that your love reaches through sorrow and the disappointment you show for yourself. That love within you can heal your sorrow as much as it exchanges with those that you believe you harmed and who have passed beyond this world. As they loved you then that love transcends. Love is greater than disappointment and those that love would have nothing of shame, they would only look to release. Those who love would prefer the release of shame, they would want their beloved to live free and in the sun, to glory for the love within them. To reflect back all that is given with joy.
Sandi I would give you peace and love above all to fill your heart and replace that bitter loss with tenderness of feeling. Prayers for a brave lady Vanilla
Last edited by Vanilla; 01/12/1512:46 AM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Sandi, So sorry for your loss. Life is so precious. Love knows no boundaries. Your loved one left this world loved. What a gift. Sending you big hugs. Prayers to you and your family.
Me 52 H 44 T9 M 5 BD 12/11 H split 8/12 OW moved in 12/12 OW gone for good 6/14 We get closer again 9/14 SD 13 Me 4 Grown
Accept what is...let go of what was and have faith in what will be.
