Moving forward either way...

[twinmom]

Sounds to me like your wife is regretting her decisions. I would go on just as you have to protect yourself but it seems as though she might be close to hitting rock bottom.

[Bunches]

I would have to agree with Rock bottom. I believe she also said if it wasn't for S right now she wouldn't care what happened to her anymore. Hopefully she will start making some better choices but I think I'm finally okay either way. She did mention just needing to stay away from men for now saying they were all *ssholes. I'd guess the last A ended badly. I didn't pry or ask. Just cruising now...

[Bunches]

So I'd like to say I've seen some good baby steps over the holidays but I'm really unsure. W has been making a lot of passing comments about not being proud of herself and a lot of stupid decisions in the last year plus. We had several interaction last week. She stayed over for some time on Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday. She messaged me at one point to thank me for a really good time visiting on Thursday and then came back Friday to pickup S again and cried for a bit. I can't really tell what is going on upstairs with her these days and part of me wants to ask.

O one more thing. Still trying to figure out if I'm moving but there is a chance coming up to visit the area and maybe do a tour of schools I'll be looking at and check out some possible apartments. W is volunteering to take a day or two off and come with us so she can see everything. I shouldn't read into that I'm sure but its hard not to think of it as more than it is when we make plans to go out of town and stay in a hotel as the three of us.

[Sotto]

Hi Bunches - good to hear from you! That sounds like quite a shift in your W I think..Wow!

Sounds as though you should carry on just as you are and see what next year brings. I'm pleased for you that things are moving a little.

Have a happy new year! Toots x

[Barrybran]

Nice to hear from you Bunches and I'm glad everything is a little better at the moment. I'd stick with the status quo for now. Let your wife dip her toe in the water and keep moving forward with your plans. Good luck!

[Bunches]

Okay, I believe I failed the 'as if' test tonight. Someone help me make sense out of tonight.

W is keeping S for this week during winter break so its reversed schedule and I visited him tonight for a couple hours. As soon as I get there W starts asking me if something is wrong, which there wasn't. I was thinking of something and I furrow my brow I know but she decided something was wrong and kept asking what. I didn't worry about it and went ahead out with S for a couple hours and brought him back around 8. She asked me in and invited me to hang out for a bit. She started talking about old times and seemed to be flirting. She even caught me rolling my eyes at a joke she made at my expense and jumped to tickle me which is more playful than she has been with me in years.

I didn't stay more than an hour but the whole time was a huge difference from the interaction I've come to expect from her. It was pleasant and fun...I thought best to leave on a good note and went to excuse myself out and the first two times I tried it she just started in reminiscing about some other thing from our past and the conversation would hold me up. When I finally did leave though I could tell the conversation was stretching out and winding down.

I'd like to call this another good baby step but I just can't make heads or tails of it. She even text me after I got home to say thank and that she had fun hanging out. How am I supposed to proceed here?

Tomorrow is new years eve and I was thinking on the drive home since she just plans to spend it at home with S that I could spend new years as a group....or since S and I have plans on new years day that we could invite her along as she told us she doesn't have plans until that evening. Or it a mistake to pursue still? Feeling confused and set off balance.

[Sotto]

Hi Bunches - well, there's a definite shift here. Remember to only respond with 75% of your W's enthusiasm in all of this.

I can't see any harm in extending a light hearted invitation - maybe to whatever you plan to do with S on new year's day - very much on the basis of ...Hey, S and I are doing X on NYD, you're welcome to join us... Of course, do this with no expectations, and if she says no, you can just say no problem and you and S can do what you planned anyway.

Remember the timid squirrell....

[Barrybran]

Go out and do something fun for yourself on NYE. No wife, no son; this is your time so make the most of it. If you do have plans with your son, by all means extend an invite but don't create events just to invite her along. Ride the wave, Bunches. Enjoy it.

[Bunches]

So I had what I'm calling my best / worst day recently yesterday. Finally made some time to head to NC to check out school options for S if I make the move out of town for job offered. STBXW came up too and went with us. Spent several hours together and don't know how best to describe it. Seemed so natural and comfortable but after the school visit, which has be doubting I can make the move, W started to dig at what was on my mind. When I shared a little it got right into the 'us' conversation. W told me she didn't see any of the problems in me today that she felt we had when together and thinks I've changed, that she cares a lot about me, and only tries to keep away from me because she is concerned about hurting me more. She still doesn't have any interest in trying to R because she 'doesn't feel anything for me romantically' anymore.

She doesn't see why this is even on my mind anymore she says because its been over a year. She threw me for a loop when she said she didn't know why we weren't D already. Said she did what I asked when we split and waited 6 months to see if things changed in her mind. Didn't manage to keep quiet on that one. She was having EA before leaving and jumped immediately into PA either just before leaving or right after. She doesn't seem to see how that matters as she waited to push official D until 6 months later....sigh.

Anyhow, even after arguing all that again I feel like she started to share more of the why she left telling me her feelings around that time which she never felt like sharing before. At that point, while driving I made a wrong turn, started to curse my inability to multitask talking and driving and we both started to laugh. We spent 2 hours arguing about us and then ended up laughing and then making jokes. All in all the day sucked and I still had fun spending time with her. Almost 15 months in and I still freaking hate this. Feeling really sad again today...

BIL called me last night and was updating me about some other event in his life. He says he thinks W wants to come back on some level but has too much guilt over the A's to let herself act on it. Too much damage he says and she can't deal with it. I don't know what to believe anymore.

[Barrybran]

All you can do is keep going about your business and leave a spot open for her to join the ride. I'm glad the interaction ended on a positive note.

What has you doubting you can make the move?