Absolutely. You are seeing the bigger picture. It is remarkable how simple things are in print and how difficult they become when put in practice.
There have been studies regarding short and long term memory functions. One theory is that memories are vulnerable to manipulation each time they are recalled. In other words, you can alter a person’s memory by interjecting a bias.
Injecting a bias is very simple. You can inject a bias by changing your tone or choice of words. Instead of raising your voice, you soften your voice. Instead of sitting across the room when having the discussion, you walk over and hold her hand. The key to injecting a bias is to make sure your story is being told with more than words.
How many times have you heard, “It’s not what you said but how you said it?” This is why email and text messages are often discouraged as a primary communication tool when a couple is in conflict.
It makes the Interceptor 100% responsible to interpret body language, inflection, and volume with zero information. The Interceptor will base their understanding of an email or text not by the Transmitter’s intention but by the emotional state of the Interceptor at the moment they read the email or text.
One theory in marriage counseling is to go back to the courtship stage and present yourself in the most positive light possible. This might be an option for you and your wife.
Many relationships have problems because people develop negative assumptions about each other. It’s difficult to have empathy toward someone when you have negative assumptions toward them. However, it’s very easy to have empathy toward someone you like.
This is why you want to steer clear of any discussion that would create a negative assumption.
Keep in mind that you have the rest of your life to work out issues once the relationship has been restored.
