Wife Walked Away 10 Weeks Ago

[Bob723]

Hi 25yearsmic,

Thanks for taking time to respond. Ironic, I did think about posting this to the board and asking:

I did respond in a confident way that I've moved on with my life--with our without her.

Then I realized it's one of Sandi's 37 Rules to (getting spouse to see we've moved on) and since I've never said or texted that before, and we are seperated I thought it was a good opportunity, because I gently let her know I don't have to agree to every one of her requests (I thought she might respect me for that.) But,I think I know what you're getting at: Actions speak loader than words.

Also, this most certainly is about how I treat my wife, more than how you feel about it. I have sent her things every time she has requested (4 maybe), given her more of a monthly allowance than before she filed (she's unable to work), etc. Back when we were speaking, I did by very best to listen to hear.

One thing I did recently was send her a hand-written letter detailing what I feel I've heard her say about how I broke her heart, and let her know that I empathize (without actually using the word empathize.)

I just re-read Michelle's "Last Resort Technique." One of the 180s I have done is quit drinking alcohol. I never drank much, but usually had a whiskey or vodka before bed. My wife didn't mind, but looking back on it I believe it made me feel more anxious. (I know alcohol is a depressant.) I quit drinking the day she left and haven't had a sip since. My W does know this and said she thought that was a good thing. Another 180 is I do not discuss the future of our marriage with my W. A few times, early on, I told her I love her. I haven't done that in about 9 weeks.

I understand the only way my W will reconsider is if she feels confident enough that I have truly changed. Somehow, I think she has noticed some. Why? A text she sent me at 3:00 AM the morning after she asked about me leaving our home. (Again, per my lawyer, I should not do this.)

Here's the relavant part of my W's reply:

"It would appear you haven't changed much at all. That's what I thought!"

I know, not exactly very encouraging, but the part "much at all" I interpret to mean she has noticed some change in me.

Thoughts anyone?

Thanks.

Bob