a young marriage in trouble

[lnlyshp]

Thank you for the encouragement, Vanilla. I did well in all my classes, I start again later this month. Thank you for asking.

Negative interaction with W today. The NFL playoffs were on today and I had made plans to leave my house around 10:30 (the first game started at 11, I'm in Mountain time). I didn't think this would be a problem as I picked him up at 10:30 yesterday and that is our typical exchange time during the weekends. She got upset because she wanted to go to the grocery store first (which honestly she could have done yesterday on her day away from S, but I didn't bring that up). I told her I would appreciate if she picked him up before then or I could even drop him off if that made it easier for her. She got annoyed and left to pick him up.

When she got here, we got him set up in the car and I told her I needed to talk to her. Told her I can no longer be the bad guy in this situation. That it wasn't fair that she hears one thing that she doesn't like and shuts off all conversation. Told her I can not go for the rest of my life walking away from exchanging son feeling bad about myself. Told her that her saying something hurtful to me and then walking off is not conducive to a good relationship. She responded that "we've never had a good relationship." Told her that was a hurtful thing to say, that I didn't agree and that she married me for a reason besides having a S, but that I wasn't about to try and change her mind. Told her that even if that was true, that we need to have a good relationship now for S sake. Eventually got fed up and told her that I would pick him up later tonight and walked away (as I could feel myself feeling very hurt and angry).

She texted and said she was sorry, that I was right that we do need to try and have a good relationship, that she was just having a bad day and that's why she was being nasty. She also said that we need to talk about where we are going and possibly about putting S in daycare because she feels he needs consistency in his routine. I didn't reply. She texted later and asked what time I'm picking him up. Still haven't replied to that one, either. I am too angry right now to communicate with her.

I like the thought about daycare, but as I am not working, I'm not sure I will be able to pay half and still pay rent to my family and various bills.

I do not like the idea of us talking about "where we are going", as I'm sure I know what that conversation entails (divorce). I realize that it is a necessary discussion, but I dread having it none the less. I need to think about responses rather than reactions.

I don't know what to do. I've gone to the gym already to try and work out anger. Didn't work. Still frustrated. Still can't understand how she can say "We've always had a bad relationship." Can't stand her attitude. I want her out of my life, but I know that is not possible.

I know I am not doing very good at DB. I respect everyone that does - because you must have so much patience.

- ship