My waking nightmare

[Lorelai]

I'm so tired and beat down by this whole thing. Just got the kids settled for a little while this afternoon. My almost 2-year-old didn't want to take her afternoon nap, and S4 threw a doozie of a tantrum b/c I put the wrong show on for him. I put him in a time-out and once he was calm we had a nice talk and I told him it's winter and it's been terribly cold out and school has been canceled several days in a row and we're probably all feeling the effects of being cooped up together. We hugged and everything was better, then I let him go into "mom and dad's" room to watch his show in there, which is a treat for him, plus even though he doesn't nap anymore, I think he needed to lay down for a little while and just chill. D21mos dragged her toddler chair into the bedroom so she could watch the show too and now they're both laughing and having fun.

But my patience is being tested. Big time. I am extra-irritable, not just because of cabin fever, (sorry for the tmi) but it's that time of the month too. I don't understand how my H can just see his children three days a week with no calling in between and continue to live with his mom with no resolution to our situation. I've been seeing a pro-marriage counselor who wants to see H on his own, but H keeps saying he's too busy for the appointment. Some days I feel like I should just take me and my kids out of limbo and file already to get myself on the track to finding the relationship I deserve with someone who keeps his promises, but that used to be my H. just a few years ago he would have cringed at the idea of a man walking out on his wife and kids. Guess I'll just keep standing, one day at a time. Not much else to do in this crummy weather.

Sorry to sound down, but I am a little today. I want my family back. I want my husband back. I did not have kids to raise them on my own and I'm finding it so hard to hold my head up high sometimes and take the "high" road when H has taken such a low one and no one it seems is giving him any sh**t about it!