Gogofo - no longer piecing 2nd BD - pt. 2

[gogofo]

So am I just being an idiot with my sliding back into pressuring her? I don't understand how I don't notice it until it is too late. I get excited and hopeful about our future and then start trying to fix things, what an idiot.

Now I even know I have done it but I can't help trying to fix things now with a new living situation proposal. I know my motivations are for the family and us. I cannot bring myself to think that we are breaking a family apart for selfish reasons. It makes me feel physically ill. I know she is wanting to do it to save herself, but I feel if she quit other things she would feel happiness too.

She said she is happy with every part of her life except for us. I know rebuilding is painful at times and that is what she seems to be focusing on.

I focus on the positive and she focuses on the negative interactions. The positives give me hope and the negatives remind her about the past. Two views of the same car crash. I feel I am choosing hope for the survivors and she feels that their injuries are life ending. I am ready for all of the pain and effort of the physical therapy but the pain is too much for her to bare again. It seems like she let me be the therapist and move her limbs without complaint until I snapped a ligament. Did she not tell me the stretching hurt, probably, did I miss her message when she tried to tell me, probably.

Where to go from here?

I want to hold on any drastic actions like divorce, seems like cutting off a limb to fix a broken arm. I would rather cast it, immobilize it and see how it heals in an environment of non agitation.

Yes I think and speak better through metaphors.

I know I need to chill out while the wound is still fresh, but it is hard to just let it bleed and stand by and do nothing; even if it is best.