Responding Vs Reacting

[Faith2b]

Yes I am still reacting because I know he knows I want to see him and he is refusing to see me.

The RO was because before he left the house he was ignoring me so when he was in the closet in the am getting ready for work I went in closet shut the door and turned him to look at me. I didnt hurt him by any means but I put my hands on him so that he would stop looking at his clothes and look at me. He was telling me he doesnt care anymore if we lose the house. He was also making threats that we would be ending again. I was scared and his silence makes me crazy. He knows it a big provoker because we even talked baout it in counseling.

After he moved out I said some really mean things. He said some means things. He then told me he would not be paying for our daughters daycare. So I had sent all 3 kids to my mothers which is 2 and half hours away. On Thanksgiving I woke up at 2 am in the morning. I had a break down I saw a car in the driveway. I knocked on the door he said he was alone and that the car belonged to the neighbor. I knew he was lying I grabbed a cup out my car and through it threw the door window. Omg I know this all sounds horrible.

So anyways on DEC 9th he filed the RO but he never told me. We continued things like normal talking on the phone and pick up with kids. We got into another roller coaster a week ago because he said the ow was mad because my yougest daughter said. She does not like her and she is not my mommy. So I was extrmely upset I had already been awar of my anger since the broke window incodent. So I told him he better fix it. Fix the problem because despite he personal life my kids would not be put in the middle. He then later in the day said everything is fine. I was upset by this I asked if me him and the kids could meet becuae I was concerned and I wanted them to know we would be ok. We are a untied front despite the currents sitch. I was so upset. I was so conscerned about my daughter so I told him I was going to come to his place he said just go to sleep Monica. But I was so upset and I told him I was still coming I had to see him and the kids. When I got their he of course did not open the door. I told him please let me see the kids. At this point I said cll the poice becuase I wanna be able to see them. And this is how I got served. it had already been a month and I had no idea we had talked many many times. I didnt know.

The anger comes from my relationship being out of my control. I have no power to have my family. I have given up all that means the most to me. The whole set it free. I gave him the divorce I gave him everything he has wanted and its now even more out of my hands. He has even said that he knows how much he has put me through. He regrets putting the RO but we have court on FEB 5 so their is nothing to be done until that date. Its true I have failed in what I said I would do for my family. I made him believe I can hold us all together. I did not. Not because I didnt want to I just did not know how.


Please any insight will help?

He is majorly hurt I did let him down my anger has been bigger than my love for him. Now I see that.