Gogofo - no longer piecing 2nd BD - pt. 2

[gogofo]

What do I want? Good question. I want to save and rebuild this marriage for me, my wife, and our kids. I want it to be in a R that is better than it was before with better understanding of each other. To do this I would live in a duplex situation as an attempt to save our marriage, and a lot more if need be.

I often equate our situation to a mid life crisis. It has a lot of similarities with selfishness, and the weird actions the person takes that are out of character for them, the whole abducted by aliens idea. Would I live in a duplex situation for the rest of my life? I don't know, it depends on if the W and I have a fulfilling relationship at that point and if it is the only way to keep it. If the R was the way it is now, no I wouldn't, but I am not prepared to give up any time soon.

Who do I want to be? I want to be a person who is self sufficient and doesn't need anyone to help him emotionally along, a person that offers a whole individual to the relationship; not a person who needs the other person to feel whole. I want to better express my feelings, good and bad. I want to be a lot less non confrontational. I want to be a person who knows how to give and receive love. I want to be an excellent father and role model to my boys.

Would I want my kids to do the same? In this situation, yes, and also similar situations. The way we get along and love each other once all the BS is pushed aside is amazing, and has been commented on by others. Am I scared it won't come back, yes, but no where near enough to discourage me.

I would encourage my kids to do the same thing out of respect for others and self respect. Respect for others because this situation affects more than just me and my W, and self respect because I would feel like I was giving up on myself if I didn't whole heartedly pursue something I believed in.