Gogofo - no longer piecing 2nd BD - pt. 2

[Barrybran]

Patience, gogofo, patience. I am feeling pretty on edge myself for much the same reason: that things can work if both parties do something about it and instead, one party is convinced that things "should come easy" and they should "feel" it.

If I've learned anything throughout this process, it's that relationships are work. If both parties aren't invested, it can't work, no matter how much one party wants it to. The sad fact is, our wives will move from poor relationship to poor relationship with their current attitudes. Sure, some relationships don't work. I've yet to meet a married couple though who shouldn't have got together so if a relationship ends, citing that "should come naturally/easy" is a massive cop out.

Sorry for venting on your thread gogofo. I feel I understand where you are right now. You have worked hard and you deserve a lot better. That's not to say that your wife is in the wrong though. My wife appears to have the same attitude as yours does right now and it p***es me off no end. I've hurt her in tremendous ways though; I got what I deserved. I am in no place to make demands of my wife. I have learned to love and respect myself though and that has shaped where I am right now.

I still want my marriage to work out but not with the woman who walked through my door today. That person is cold, distant and negative and the woman I married is warm, kind and positive. I know that despite my failings, I've turned things around and I deserve to be treated with respect and to be loved. If my wife doesn't want to be that person, it's her loss. If that means my kids spend their weeks in two homes instead of one, that's not on my shoulders. If she starts dating someone else, things are going to become more difficult with me, not because I'm a vidinctive arsehole but because I won't be able to trust her and noone else has got my back; it's just me and the kids v the world and I've got to stand up for what's right as well as for what's mine.

I know I've rambled a bit here and I'm a little emotional at the moment but my point is that if you've truly made your changes and you commit to keeping those changes moving forward, you deserve good things. You deserve the best because you are the best and if your wife can't see that, tough. You will strengthen your relationships with your kids, make new friends, accomplish goals and you will deserve everything you get because you've put in the work to be a better person.

Our wives are punching us down at the moment but you've got to get up off the canvas, raise your chin and keep on fighting because you deserve the best. As Lostforwords has commented on my thread NUMEROUS times... be the changes you want to see in the world.