My story of WAH

[seaspin]

A vent... I was doing well with feeling good, GALing.

I feel good when WAH is in town for a few weeks at a time. When he is, he starts talking a little bit more, sharing some things going on with him. Then, he goes out of town on "business" to OW town. He always leaves on Sat after he drops the kids off. While I never asked him, when he first began leaving on a Saturday for a Monday business meeting, he told me the flights were "cheaper" on Sat. I checked, they weren't at the time he told me. I knew why he was leaving- to spend more time with OW. If he's trying to save his company $, he's really not because technically, he'd have to pay for a hotel for Sat night, which he probably isn't staying in one. He lies, yet it's not like I can't figure out what's going on. When he flies to other cities, he doesn't leave on a Sat.

Anyway, he's been in town longer than usual due to the holidays. Tonight, he left for OW town. It's like a slap in the face, that he can go and have an A, without any consequences, as if I don't know. He leaves his responsibilities and does his own thing, like it's nothing. WAH tells me about his trip. He tells me he has this meeting on Monday, another on Tuesday, will be back on this day. Does he give me details just to be nice or to make it seem like it's a legitimate trip? I'm sure he really has business meetings, but still... It's hard to know your H is going to meet up with someone else. When he's not traveling, it's easier to forget it's happening. Then there's the lying. Really? Who does he think I am? It feels like he can get away with lying.

So, he's gone to his "other life", while I try to wrangle 3 kids and get them to bed and be a responsible mom. 3 innocent kids who have no idea their dad is doing something "morally wrong". Does he not care that he's deceiving them too (not that they need or should know).

The other thing that gets me is that he has an old friend drive him to the airport. He has to know about OW, yet still stands by him. I originally found out about OW through Twitter. It's all on there (I don't read it anymore). WAH is a different person on there than he is in front of me and his family. None of his family reads twitter and I usually don't, so maybe he feels safe to "act out" on it? This old friend is twitter active so should have read all about OW. It feels disrespectful that people might know about OW, but say nothing, like it's ok to leave your wife.

Everything about this sitch just hurts. I know, I know, I should be detached. It shouldn't matter what H or anyone else does, focus on my and what I can control, but it still hurts. It feels so disrespectful. Just being real. H saying he wants a D is one thing, but bring in an A and it feels so much worse. It's a violation.

I will end on positives
- I get to see my kids go to sleep each night.
- I get to listen to the stories my kid's tell each day
- I am doing the right thing & can sleep well at night because of it.
- I will survive this and be stronger for it.

Now, if my kids go to sleep quickly, maybe I'll have some time to do something relaxing to get my mind off of H.